How It Should Be Done

Josh Reddick is my new favorite baseball player. His epic beard-off with Daniel Bryan had me teetering on the edge, but his new walk-up music last night signed, sealed, and delivered it. Instead of using walk-up music to play his favorite song or some over played top-40 hit like players have been doing since it’s inception, Reddick chose to use it to gain a psychological advantage on his opponent. Unfortunately that opponent happened to be my beloved White Sox, but that only cements how real my Reddick boner is. 

For anyone who missed Reddick’s brilliance check out the video below.

That’s right he went Wham’s “Careless Whisper” on them. A song with perhaps the cheesiest and catchiest hook of all-time. There is no way that the White Sox players were able to fully focus after hearing that. Their heads were filled with the smooth, jazzy sounds of Wham. This brilliant song choice has led to Reddick going 4-8 with three RBIs including his second homer of the season, not bad for a guy that was batting under .220 going into Monday’s game. At this rate Reddick will win the batting title, break Barry Bonds’ home run record, and hit for the Triple Crown. It is only a matter of time till other players latch on to this trend to turn around their careers. This is MLB’s new steiroids.

As a fan of hits, runs, and homers I want to help players find other songs that will have the same effect as “Careless Whisper.”

Hooked on A Feeling by David Hasselhoff – 

Let’s start with an easy one. Nobody knows how to mess with the heads of an opponent more than the Hoff. He ended the Goddamn Cold War for Christ’s Sake. The song itself is annoyingly catchy enough to throw off any opponent, but if the team also throws up the music video – Game Over. Can’t you just picture this becoming a crowd favorite as they start chanting, “OOGA CHAKKA, HOOGA HOOGA, OOGA CHAKKA” before the music even starts playing. It will be absolutely incredible.

Hurt – Johnny Cash  

A annoyingly catchy tune can be effective, but a devastatingly depressing one is even better. This walk-up song will cause an existential breakdown in your opponents. They will be too busy thinking about the purpose of their lives to concentrate on winning a baseball game. If the hitter adds in Charlie Brown walk up with his bat dragging behind him for full wrist slashing effect this will seal his future Hall of Fame status.

Random Red Couch – McDonald’s Corp. 

Annoying commercial jingles are on top of the heap of annoying songs. It both plays to the annoying catchiness, as well as the fact that McDonald’s thought this was a good idea over putting the star pitcher you’re facing that day. This is the walk-up song for hitters who struggle against Aces cause you’ll never have an issue with them again.

Super Mario Bros Theme Song – Mario and Luigi 

As Don Draper would say, “In Greek nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.” This song choice is all about playing into nostalgia. Most pitchers in today’s MLB grew up in the Super Mario Bros. era and it will bring them back to their childhood, which will lead to thoughts of their mothers and most likely some painful memories will follow. Even if they are pleasant thoughts, the trip down memory lane will be enough to gain a distinct advantage.

Adolf Hitler Speech – Adolf Hitler 

This is completely politically incorrect, but for any player struggling to stay up in the big leagues who does not care about becoming the most hated man in baseball, then dive in to the evil end of the pool. No one said that your walk-up song had to be musical. Anger can be a powerful emotion to use against your opponent. If you want to go all in, then rock a Michael Jordan mustache from those Hane’s commercials and goose step your way to home plate.

Factory Wake Up Alarm – Iphone 

Nothing throws a person off more than hearing the sound of their alarm while awake. It will disorientate pitchers and totally throw off their focus. This will give the hitter a huge advantage at the plate.

The Sound of Bacon Sizzling – God

There is no better sound on this earth than that of bacon sizzling. It is a notification that you’re about to enjoy the most delicious thing ever created. However, if a person were to hear that sound and then not receive any bacon it will make them a combination of super sad and mad. This will cause them to think only of the fact that they’re not eating bacon and not that they need to pitch to a major league hitter.

Scarlett Johannson’s Voice from Her 

Anyone that watched the movie Her knows that it was not much of a stretch to believe Joaquin Phoenix fell in love with his phone because it was voiced by the sensual ScarJo. Let’s throw the other team off by playing the audio from the scene where Joaquin and his phone get freaky. Obviously this may keep some kids away from the park, but whom cares about being PG when you’re winning. Am I right?

Sound of Water Dripping – The Devil 

If it is good enough to torture terrorists with at Gitmo, then it should be more than effective at throwing pitchers off their games.

Game of Thrones Theme Song – George RR Martin

Annoying, depressing, evil, torturous are all good elements to an effective walk-up song, but sometimes it is good too simply go super badass to have pitchers shaking in their boots. And nothing is more badass than the Game of Thrones theme song. The crowd will go wild and start humming along and continue doing so well after the walk-up song is complete. The pitcher will be too scared to throw anything besides a meatball right down the middle in this situation.

A hitter could also combine nostalgia and badass with this version of the song.