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Love at Second Sight – It’s a Thing, Millennials.

The millennial generation is obsessed with instant feedback, breaking news, and kneejerk reactions. We want information two minutes ago, and we want to have formed an opinion on that info and sent it out into the social media stratosphere one minute ago. We troll people in the YouTube comment section, take pride in knowing Kanye and Kim’s wedding plans before our friends, and compete for the most likes on Instagram.

Great graphic courtesy of mobilemarketingwatch.com.

Great graphic courtesy of mobilemarketingwatch.com.

These habits are burned into our subconscious. After all, we’re the generation that first fucked around with Napster, rushed home to use AIM to talk to people we just saw five minutes ago, and showed our parents how to use and iPod.

Every generation has its problems. A lot of the time, we deal with the same issues our parents and grandparents did, except our version of the issues wears skinny jeans. Our issues are different in appearance only.

One of my main problems with our generation is that we are too obsessed with love at first sight. We want to realize things too fast. We want everything now. There’s never any time to gain context or perspective.

I do believe that some people fall in love when they first meet. I’m a romantic and that will never change. My issue isn’t with the idea with love at first sight. I’m just upset more people don’t build in time for self-realization, personal growth, and added experience. People don’t look for love at second sight.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating living in the past. I am advocating looking to the past for answers about the future. Self-evaluation. Honest reflection. Why’d you act a certain way toward that guy or girl? Was there a reason you went on that a manwhore binge? Trying not to deal with something? Is there a reason you drunk text the same person all the time? Can’t get someone out of your mind?

For every cutesie story about love working out in romantic comedy-like fashion, there are five stories about love growing a different way. I used to be naïve enough to think falling in love could only happen in movie fashion. Meet girl. Fall for girl. Girl falls for you. Ninety hilarious minutes ensue and you live happily ever after.

Then I learned the hard way that sometimes you realize how you truly feel about someone long after the most opportune moment has passed. I don’t want to get into details about my own story. I would rather pass on the advice that I learned in a series of (hopefully) helpful bullet points.

Here’s Why Love at Second Sight Is a Thing:

We keep growing. Or at least we should. The version of you 3-4 years ago is most likely different than you now. I’m not saying you need to be different people all the time, but it’s important to find out more about yourself as this life thing goes along. Therefore, the person you have become might look back on an old friend and say, “Holy shit. That’s the Sally to my Harry. I’m an idiot.”

Missed connections. In baseball, if you get a hit one out of every three times you go up to bat, you go to the Hall of Fame. In life and love, it’s okay to swing and miss a lot. Sometimes you and someone else don’t connect the first time around. If you think about them a lot, and they haven’t made it clear they aren’t into you, it’s not ridiculous to take another swing. Just make sure it’s the right pitch. Don’t go up to the plate with no plan and swing at a ball over your head.

The Step By Step theme song. This song really sucks. It’s also disturbingly beautiful. It actually has a lot of life lessons. “We’ll be better the second time around.”

America. God damn it. In this country, we love redemption stories. Anyone’s got a chance if they work hard to get what they want. Another naïve view? Yeah, probably. But I think there’s something to messing up and learning what you did wrong.

Those are just a few reasons why we should slow things down and take a second look once in a while. Gain perspective. Get a larger sample size. Live and learn before you love wildly. You might just be able to love wilder.

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TBS: Throwback Summer

Summer time is upon us. It is time for BBQs, sundresses, sunburns, baseball, The World Cup to save us from having to watch baseball, and television summer event series used as a ploy to keep you inside to keep the commercialization machine moving. I thought it would be nice to join in on the fun with a summer article series of our own. TBS – Throwback Summer. I’m going to hop on Don Draper’s Carousel, anyone whom doesn’t get this reference saddens me, and revisit my life, not in polaroids, but in Facebook pictures. At first I thought about doing the classic list and rank my top 50 favorite Facebook pictures, but then after going through them all I decided it would be an impossible task to choose a favorite. Instead I’m going to go in chronological order and tell the story behind each of my favorite photos. Even if you do not know me or any of the people involved in the photos I hope you find the stories entertaining and the process educational. There are a lot of pratfalls to having Facebook, but the one constant positive is having a digital vault of photos to access our past any time we want. Let’s get started with my oldest Facebook photo.

Halloween 2006.

Halloween 2006.

Okay, so it was a bit of a white lie, this is not the first photo ever taken of me, but the oldest one to survive all the constant Facebook updates and format changes. It comes to us from Halloween 2006, my senior year of high school. As I mentioned in my article, I’m Done Giving A Shit, last week I was a scared little sheep in high school. All I cared about was being cool and having people like me. It affected my life both socially and academically. I wasn’t happy cause I wasn’t being me and my grades suffered tremendously my Freshman year. I received the only C of my entire life Freshman year of high school, Integrated Science. A major reason why I was able to avoid falling deeper down the rabbit hole and seriously messing up my life was the group of friends that I made starting in my sophomore year.

We were a group of misfits without a home until we decided to make our own. These guys made high school an enjoyable experience. I felt comfortable to be me, the goofy, sometimes slightly weird, and nerdy me because I knew that they would still like me. Not all of them are in this picture, but it still captures the essence of happiness they gave me. First of all take a look at me, far left. Is that a face? Or a billboard for a game of connect the dots. I was going through a terrible acne phase in 2006, from Summer through the Winter. I tried all the over the counter medicines, didn’t work. I let an acupuncturist convince me she was the answer, all she did was stab my face with toothpicks for an hour and leaving it bloated, bleeding, and still loaded with acne. While acutain gets the ultimate praise for defeating those damn pesky red dotted bastards, it was my friends that gave me the confidence to still go out and enjoy a night like Halloween, while my face dressed up as a Pepperoni pizza.

The other great thing about my friends is that we shared similar traits, in this case procrastination. Despite my best efforts to convince myself that this is the year I get ahead of the game and come up with the perfect Halloween costume, I always end up scrounging in my closet the day before or even the day of Halloween and coming up with some half assed costume. That year I had company as we all showed up as “Tom Cruises” from various movies. I was Top Gun Cruise because I put on my Dad’s old leather jacket and wore aviators.

Standing next to me is my fellow real life Tom, McCaskey, as Jerry Maguire Cruise. Tom and I have have the most similar senses of humor out of all of my friends. The biggest jump between numbers is two and three, at least when it comes to friends. There are very few people with whom we can carry one-on-one conversations with for an extended time. In a group of friends there are always people that you’re close to within the group setting, but when you’re stuck alone you strain to come up with a topic of conversation and pray for another friend to show up soon to relieve the awkwardness. This never happens with Tom and I, there are a few others that can tie him, but nobody that beats him. We can talk about anything and always keep each other entertained. I miss having him around to lighten each other’s mood and hope some day to live near each other again.

Next to him, center front, is Mike Juettner, aka Mikey The Jet, Last Samurai Cruise. I had a lot of enjoyable experiences with The Jet, top of the list would have to be Mark Buehrle’s no-hitter against the Texas Rangers, April 19, 2007. But the first thing I think about when I hear from or see him is our constant competition. We competed and most often argued over everything. I’m a highly argumentative guy, I’ve covered my reasons for this before, but Juettner is the only person I’ve ever known who matches my love for competitive banter. We spent entire lunch periods yelling back n’ forth over varying topics. Our most popular one was who should be the Bears’ starting QB, Rex Grossman or anyone else. I was on team Rex and he was on team anyone else. Our arguments carried over to every pickup game we ever played against each other, which was a lot.  The most famous was when he called a charge against me in Attic Basketball, which was played with a Nerf Ball and a Little Tike hoop. We tore into each other for the next hour, ruining the evening for the rest of our friends and then did not speak to each other for the next week out of anger. I miss having my fellow combatant around. It is special to have a friend where you can rip into each other endlessly and still be cool with each other, even if it takes a week apart some times. 

Behind Juetner is my shortest in height, but longest in length friend Brian Borah. He is the only one not dressed as a Cruise, but rather just simply a fisherman. Ive known Brian since kindergarten, scarily that means for 20 years. Although we have not always been friends for that long, as my first attempt to befriend him ended in disaster as I dunked him in a pool for so long that he thought he might drown. What was supposed to be a friendly action led to him being scared of me for many years to follow. It was not until about the 6th grade that we started hanging out a lot, but really it was the fact that we went to the same high school together that made us become so close. Before that I was best friends with my two next door neighbors, but since both of them went to the public school, while Brian and I went to the Catholic one, I stopped seeing them.

I would’ve thought that going to different schools wouldn’t stop next door neighbors from hanging out, but it did. The silver lining was that it allowed Brian and I to become best friends in high school. He is the most interesting person I’ve been friends with a true savant at everything he touches. It was intimidating at times to be friends with him. But since he lived the closest to me of all my friends I spent an absurd amount of time at his house. His family became my family, which was nice because he had six siblings to my one and as a kid that dreamed of having 21 siblings it was nice to get a few more. It was always an enjoyable challenge to be friends with Brian, he operated on a different plane than everyone else and what was difficult for me came easy to him. Out of all my friends that helped me grow out of my sheepish ways, I have to give him the most credit. It was nothing that he said, but rather his actions that inspired me. Brian was always comfortable being himself and it was difficult to not be motivated around him.

To the left of Juetner and Borah is Joe Daly, Juwanna Man Cruise. Yes, we know that Cruise wasn’t in Juwanna Man, but it is funny to imagine if he were. Really Joe just wanted to wear the jersey of his true love, Tracy McGrady. Joe had the worst luck of anyone in our group. He always seemed to be getting in trouble for this or that and spent a lot of time grounded. But I have to hand it to Joe he was in trouble a lot cause he loved to have a good time. He was a fun-loving guy who brought a lot of joy to our group. The energy always picked up when he was around. I probably spent the least one-on-one time with Joe out of all my friends. It was a combination of meeting him later than most the others, him living the farthest from me, and all those groundings. As such I’ve lost touch with him the most of any of my friends. From what I hear, he’s doing well, has been in a relationship for a few years, and enjoying Chicago. I miss having a guy like Joe around. It is always good to have people who want to have a good time around, to lighten the mood and lift your spirits.

And finally on the far right, we follow the person I’ve been in the least contact with to the person I’ve been in the most. Billy Kirland, my roommate and fellow Millennial Man founder/editor in chief. You’ve all gotten to know Bill through his own articles, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. Billy was our leader in high school, a role which in he both relished and thrived. We would have wandered aimlessly and never organized ourselves if not for him. He was like our Mance Rayder, but instead of bringing together warring tribes, he brought together apathetic, procrastinating, sarcastic teenagers and turned them into something more. The traits that made him a great leader in high school have not disappeared over time. I count myself lucky to not only still be friends with him, but also live with him and start a Production Company with him. There is not enough thanks in the world to Billy and the rest of my friends from high school. They helped me become the person I am today.

My other close friends not pictured will pop up as this series continues and I look forward to telling you how special they are as well. One final thanks before I bring this article to a close, thank you to Hope Holmberg for hosting the Halloween party at which this photo was taken. I went to school with Hope, or Hopie as she was affectionately called, for 12 years and there is not a person with a brighter personality that I’ve met in my time on this Earth. She had an infectious smile that light up any room she entered. The last time I saw her was on a train from Indian Hill station to downtown Chicago. It had probably been two years since I had least seen her then, yet she still greeted me with the warmest of hellos. The morning train ride into the city could be a depressing bore, but the times I was lucky enough to share it with Hope made it much more enjoyable.

I know that a no person is Disney Princess happy all the time, as Hope made herself appear. I regret not getting to know her more, to know when she was sad or mad, and to know how to cheer her up as she did for so many. Life moves in one direction, but it is nice to look back and think about the people that you’ve met. The one’s you respect, the one’s that make you laugh, the one’s that can draw out a passionate argument from you, and the one’s that brighten your day. By looking back and having regrets of not appreciating them more, we can be better prepared for when we meet new people with the same traits. There are a lot of reasons why I hate Facebook, but having this amazing Time Machine to hop into and enjoy the past makes it worth keeping around. Thanks, Mr. Zuckerberg.

Dear Tommy and Eastyn: I Got an Instagram. I’m Scared.

Dear Tommy and Eastyn,

I finally caved. I signed up for Instagram. I’m terrified. The last time I signed up for a new social media platform was back in 2010 when I created a Twitter handle. I feel like I’ve just now learned how to use Twitter. Four years later. I still don’t know how to use Facebook. And I only signed up to the ‘book in high school because a really hot girl made me – so you can understand the Insta-anxiety that I’m experiencing.

For the record, I used to hate the idea of Instagram. I thought the users were a bunch of narcissistic jackasses who hid their quiet insecurities behind a vintage-looking filter. I just assumed all their captions said, “Look at me, I’m pretty in this picture. It looks like it was taken on a Polaroid! It’s sooooo vintage – OMG. Look at that lens flare, I’m like a future JJ Spielberg. Tehehehe.”

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But alas, I have become the grumpy old Grandpa. I’m too young for that. Every millennial has an Instagram now and it’s time for me to join the party. But I’m nervous. Will people like my pictures? Is “like” even the right term?

Can you guys take a look at some of my questions below and try to assuage my fears?

Billy’s Insta-questions and Metaphysical Ponderings:

  1. Schmidt from New Girl once said something about double-tapping his Insta-g. What the fuck does that mean? I’ve got Nick-like knowledge on this subject.

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  1. What filters should I stay away from? I don’t to look like an amateur moron or high school freshman.
  1. Do celebrities use this thing or is it just for us plebeians? What I want to know, more precisely, is whether Emma Watson’s got one.
  1. Can I only use this contraption to take pictures of sunsets? I see so many fucking pictures of sunsets. Too many sunsets. I’m starting to hate sunsets and I really don’t want to.
  1. What’s the point of #nofilter? Isn’t the goddamn purpose of this thing to use a filter? What am I paying for?
  1. Wait, I’m confusing myself. This is free, right?
  1. Can we put blog posts on Instagram or is that Tumblr? Or Pintrest?
  1. What about athletes? Does Jay Cutler have one? Or Brandon Marshall? Can I send Tom Ricketts pictures of poop because I’m mad at the lack of money he’s spending on my Cubbies?
  1. Seriously, the #nofilter thing. I don’t get it. Seems counterintuitive.

10. Is this one of those things were if I take a picture it shows up on Facebook and Twitter?

11. Update on the Emma Watson front, please.

12. What’s the age limit on Instagram? Is my mom on it? I’m cool with it if she is – just want a heads up.

And  13 (below)…

As a generation, are we misusing photography because of how easy it is to snap pictures? I was listening to NPR to some doctor or something, and she said something like, “Photos are tools we should use to recall a memory. They are a means to remember the smell, feel, and sounds of moment. When we take too many pictures, and make those the memories, we fail to live in the moment and live fully.” Or something like that. I want to live in the moment! I’m soooooo scared.

***

Looking forward to hearing your guys’ thoughts. In the meantime, follow me at @bkirland.

Shit. Is “follow” the right word?

Hey, You. Do You.

On this blog, we talk a lot about growing up, dealing with the constantly changing world, breaking stereotypes, and the 90s. The whole reason Tommy and I started this experiment that we call The Millennial Man was to open up a dialogue about what it means to be a man or woman in contemporary society. It can often be confusing, scary, and flat out difficult to discover who the hell you are as the world continues to spin round and round.

A few weeks ago, Tommy talked about how we each have roles in life, akin to the roles players have on sports teams. His point was that not everyone can be Michael Jordan. He championed a great message: It’s important to improve and become a better version of you from yesterday.

I agree with that school of thought. However, this is a classic case of easier-said-than-done, because too often there are factors that chip away at us focusing on who we are and what we truly want. Every day, millions of people show up to work for a job they hate, deal with difficult personal relationships, worry about fitting in, and battle a laundry list of inner demons. Sometimes, it’s not easy sorting that all out. It can become easier to accept the version of yourself the world presents to you than the version of yourself that makes you the happiest.

Drew Magary, one of my favorite Deadspin contributors, wrote an excellent post on bullying in the wake of the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin debacle. In the article, Magary talks about how he used to be a social climber growing up, and how he let the influence of insecure bullies shape the way he acted. It’s a very honest, informative piece that reminded me that it’s important to continue to find yourself and remember everyone is doing the same.

Again, this is easier said than done. We live in a culture where Facebook statuses change every minute, new Tweets are created every second, and millions of people feel the need to bash a viewpoint that is different than theirs in the comments section of YouTube video. How can we be us with so much noise drowning out that one voice in our head that we feel so comfortable conversing with?

One way to do that is to say, “Fuck It. I’m going to do me.” Try it. It feels really good.

I’m just as guilty as the next person for worrying about what my peers will think if I want something different than they do. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve come to realize that true friends are the kind of people who understand if something you want is different than what they want. They take the time to understand your endgame. And you have to do the same for the people you really care about.

It’s funny how being in your mid-20s can feel as uncomfortable as your first day in junior high sometimes. Don’t let it. Last week, a wise man told me that your mid- to late-20s are a time when you’re supposed to learn how to live well. What’s exciting about learning how to live well is that it gives us a unique opportunity to reinvent ourselves in a really cool way. I’m not suggesting that you become a new person altogether, rather that you make a new life goals chart and figure out the most feasible way to attain those goals.

A couple of Fridays ago, I wrote about the importance of dancing like no one is watching. That’s how I would suggest attacking this new part of your life, peeps. At the end of the day, you can pretend to be someone else, but you’ll only have yourself to answer to. Drown out all the noise. Listen to that voice inside your head or heart – sorry for getting corny – and see how you can do you. You’ll be better off for it. And so will the rest of us.

How The Beatles Affect Millennials

I was first and foremost raised a Rolling Stones fan. Let there be no question about that. My parents let me know early in my life that I lived in a Mick and Keith household and not a Paul and John one. I knew it was only a rock ‘n roll rule, but I liked it, liked it, yes I did.

That’s not to say, however, that my parents ever discouraged any of us from listening to The Beatles. Before I was old enough to truly appreciate an album, I was the proud owner of The Beatles 1 album, which was released in 2000 and featured virtually all of the band’s number one singles in America and the UK from 1962 to 1970. I was enamored by songs like “Love Me Do,” “Eight Days A Week,” and “Ticket To Ride.” They were remarkably simple tracks, but undeniably classic.

Look at these studs.

Look at these studs.

It’s crazy to think that today marks the 50th anniversary of The Beatles first appearance in America on The Ed Sullivan Show. If you tried to explain the concept of an iPod or Spotify to a Beatles fan back then, they’d probably call you a Communist. That’s why it might be hard for our generation, the millennials, to understand exactly how enormously popular The Beatles were. Everyone loved them. They weren’t just the most popular band, they and their fans would make Justin Bieber and his Beliebers look like a performer and frenzied crowd at preschool talent show.

The Beatles changed everything. They were music stars, movie stars, cultural icons, and the torch carriers of rock and roll. Ask your parents their favorite Beatles story and it probably starts with a smile. It might not be about a concert that they attended, but they definitely have a story about seeing the band on TV or about their older brother and sister passing down a coveted Beatles album.

It’s amazing that The Beatles were able to affect so many generations of people. It’s easy to see how the UK’s favorite sons shaped the music landscape forever. What’s more impressive – and maybe not as obvious – is how they changed the average music consumer forever, too.

I am not a historian, but I’d argue that The Beatles are one of the biggest reasons we millennials listen to music the way we do. Think about it. Even though everyone loved The Beatles, everyone had a favorite Beatle. Mine is George. He has a bunch of great solo albums you should check out if you haven’t heard them yet. Plus, he sings “Here Comes The Sun,” my favorite Beatles song. Once The Beatles broke up, everyone followed his or her favorite Beatle. They owned Paul, George, John – and sometimes Ringo – proudly. They had lists of reasons why one was better than the other.

These days, all we do is listen to our favorite music. We’re a create-our-own-playlist generation. It’s pretty awesome. There are a lot of artists that we can agree on, but we each have our own music. It’s kind of like part of our soul that we can decide to keep wrapped up or share with everyone else. I think in a way, The Beatles belonged to everyone, but each person had their own Beatle.

Our music tends to look like this.

Our music tends to look like this.

There will be people who say silly stuff like, “One Direction is so similar to The Beatles in terms of popularity.” But that’s just not the case. The Beatles formed a bridge between pop music, rock, and rhythm and blues. They gave a generation something to rally around. A way to express themselves. Then, when they broke up after years of unprecedented success, they gave a bunch of other generations an opportunity to find music that was even closer to their hearts.

Today we have specialized advertisements on our Facebook pages and on a whole multitude of websites. Advertisers check out our internet history and get frighteningly relevant commercials in front of our faces. I think it’s so great that we get to create playlists of music just for us. If the tradeoff is that I have to stare at advertisements that try to sell me flights to Boston and Chicago, then so be it, I guess.

Okay, so Paul's face looks a little weird, but overall both of these guys look great for 70+.

Okay, so Paul’s face looks a little weird, but overall both of these guys look great for 70+.

While I think historians use hyperbole too often, I don’t think there’s any overstating the wide-ranging impact The Beatles had. Hell, they still continue to influence us. Paul and Ringo dominated the Grammys. People still go nuts when they get on stage – especially together.

The Rolling Stones will always be my favorite classic rock band, but I want to thank George, John, Paul, and Ringo for starting a movement. I think they would all agree that it’s pretty groovy that we can create our very own playlists eight days a week.

The Dating Machine

I’m no scientist, psychologist, or astronaut (though I do dabble in amateur astronomy), but I’d venture a guess that the world is split when it comes to dating. Half of the people in the world fully enjoy the thrill of dating a new person and getting to be a new person on a string of different, fleeting encounters. The other half of people would rather be spooning a girlfriend or boyfriend on the couch watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix

new-girl-nick-jess-gif-fox-1People are entitled to feel the way they want to feel on this topic. There’s no right or wrong. However, the truth is that no matter whether you prefer cuddling and watching Coach Taylor or getting drinks at the bar with a stranger, you’ll need to date at some point.

Dating is a necessary evil. Unfortunately, dating not an exact science. There is no right or wrong when it comes to dating because like snowflakes, no two people are the same. Even soulmates need a while to recalibrate when they meet one another. Dating can be as confusing as one of those “two trains are travelling in opposite directions… when do they meet” math problems from high school. It can drive a guy or gal crazy.

That is why I’ve built THE DATING MACHINE! Shit, I forgot to ask for a drumroll.

The Dating Machine is my Frankenstein. It was built with past experiences, online dating advice, Facebook posts, Instagram pictures, Twitter trends, Shakespeare plays, every John Hughes movie, cheap cologne, Trader Joe’s two buck chuck, good-smelling candles from Target, socks, ancient Latin love poems, Love Actually, Barry White music, and all seven Harry Potter books.

The Dating Machine looks like an iPhone 3. That’s because I built it on my old phone. It’s smooth, portable, and ready to answer any and all questions we have about dating. I figured it’d be way easier to build a machine to answer dating questions that try to get answers from one human. After all, we’re pretty dumb.

Since it’s the first time I’ve ever turned on the Dating Machine, I figured I’d ask some of my own questions to test it out. If it works, I’d love for you to send your dating questions in on a weekly basis so we can all learn together.

Me: Hey, Dating Machine. I’ll start you out with an easy question. Should guys still be paying for dinner or drinks on a first date?

Dating Machine: Fare morrow, sir. Indeed. A gentleman should always foot the bill for his fair maiden. I drop down my glove and challenge you to a duel for such an ill-conceived line of inquisition.

Oh shit. The Dating Machine is a chauvinistic asshole. I think I added one too many Shakespeare plays. Let me fiddle around for a second here and…

Me: Hey, Dating Machine?

DM: What’s up, BK?

Me: So, what’s the deal? Should guys pay for drinks and dinner on the first date?

DM: Well, I sense that you’re pretty cheap. But that’s okay. In modern times I’d say it’s best for people to split the bill on their first date. It took you humans long enough to figure out that everyone is equal, so why not start acting like it? Guys can date guys, girls can date girls, and girls are equal to guys. It’s pretty simple isn’t it? Why not make it less awkward and just agree to split the bill on a first date? This isn’t a power play. You’re basically paying an equal share to see if you’re into one another and would want to go on another date. Or if you just want to bang. Either way, consider it a cover charge to the rest of whatever kind of relationship you’ll have with the person.

Me: That seems like a thoughtful answer. But I’m not cheap.

DM: Sure.

Me: You’re kind of an asshole.

DM: You built me. I just tell the truth.

Me: Moving on. What’s the best way to leave the first date: kiss, hug, or creating a secret handshake?

DM: The mere fact that you asked that question suggests that you have very little ability to feel a situation out. Ever heard of improv classes? You must let each situation play out as it will. Not every person will want to have five drinks, make out, and go home with you. This isn’t college. It’s always safe to treat a person like a person. Give them a hug. Say thanks. Text or call later if you want to see them again.

Me: I feel like you’re being really mean to me. Are you this mean to everyone?

DM: No. Just people who built me on an iPhone 3 and expect me to answer MODERN dating questions. I can barely sext with my current operating system. I’m actually a pretty nice machine otherwise.

I continued my conversation with DM, but it got pretty ugly fast. He was just kind of being a dick. We talked it out though and he’ll be ready to answer your dating questions next week. Make sure to come back to The Millennial Man each week for expert dating advice from the world’s one and only Dating Machine!

This post was written by Billy Kirland, co-founder of The Millennial Man.