Dan Snyder

The Washington Redskins Should Remain The Redskins

Dan Snyder

Yesterday, Billy came up with a lot of great alternative names for Dan Snyder to rename the football team in Washington. My personal favorites were the Senators and the Monuments, the former has an awesome retro ring to it and the latter is just badass. He wanted to hear our thoughts on alternative names and here’s mine, the Redskins.

It shouldn’t keep the name cause I want them to be offensive to Native Americans, as this video clearly demonstrates why this is such a horrible name.

And I don’t think it should keep its name for the bullshit, ignorant, and hypocritical defense Snyder made.

“It’s more than a name we have called our football team for over eight decades. It is a symbol of everything we stand for: strength, courage, pride, and respect – the same values we know guide Native Americans and which are embedded throughout their rich history as the original Americans.” 
 

And this is also not some stance against political correctness. No, the Washington football team should keep its name because it serves as a reminder of our dark history of prejudice, exile, and slaughter against the Native American people. The Redskins nickname has caused a lot of controversy over the last few years as groups have rallied in an attempt to get Snyder to change it. That’s great and all, but where were these people over 80 years ago when the nickname was bestowed upon the Washington football team, when it was just as offensive as it is today?

Uh-oh, Harry Reid has on his angry face. Everybody watch out as nothing gets done.

Uh-oh, Harry Reid has on his angry face. Everybody watch out as nothing gets done.

People like Harry Reid, who recently made this bold statement:

“”I will not stand idly by while a professional sports team promotes a racial slur as a team name and disparages the American people. Nor will I consider your invitation to attend a home game until your organization chooses to do the right thing and change its offensive name.”

Not stand idly by? Really, Harry? You’ve been a US Senator since 1987. Did you just now realize what your local football team was called? It is certainly a possibility given the average IQ level of Senators sits just above 70, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you’re not that stupid. This is a classic politician move, wait for popular opinion to sway one way and then jump on board. Sorry if I’m not very impressed by the moral high ground you’ve taken, Harry.

Nothing has been done about the Redskins name cause Americans don’t want to think about the atrocities we’ve committed against the Native American people. The land that we stole, the hundred of thousands of Native people we killed. It ruins our image of “The Heroes of the World” we’ve painted for ourselves. It is easier for us to stick the few Native ancestors left on reservations, to let them mingle amongst their own kind, and pretend they do not exist. Hey, sorry about taking all this land and slaughtering your ancestors, but here, have some casinos. We square? 

Americans should be more offended by this image than the Redskins logo.

Americans should be more offended by this image than the Redskins logo.

It always amuses me when I hear anti-immigration politicians talking about how we must preserve this land and the American way of life by keeping unwanted, illegal immigrants outside our border. While we ignore the fact that we tricked, stole, and killed the people with natural, ancestral rights to it and then claimed it as our own. I’m sorry some Mexicans risked their lives crossing the Rio for a chance at a better life. Would you prefer they attack a town in droves, pillaging and killing its citizens, while making the survivors march thousands of miles on foot to find a new home, till they get bored and take that too? After all, it is the American way.

Perhaps the actions taken by the US Patent and Trademark office will stick and Snyder will lose his appeal against it, during which time all patents and trademarks remain in tact. And then Sheriff Roger Goodell will be forced to step in and finally force Snyder to change the name. Allowing Americans to feel better that such an offensive name is no longer a part of our favorite sport and all involved with ending it, the opportunity to play hero.

As for me, I hope the name sticks. The real atrocity is not the name Snyder insists his team be called, but rather what our forefathers and ancestors did to the people of which the name offends. The Redskins name can serve as a reminder of one of the darkest marks on our record. A reminder of our failings and weaknesses. It is only through admitting our mistakes that we can truly grow stronger as a Nation.

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New Nickname Brainstorm Bonanza for the Washington Redskins

It was only a matter of time. Today, multiple sources reported that the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office canceled the Washington Redskins trademark registration. This is undoubtedly one of the biggest dominoes to fall in what will most likely result in Washington’s NFL team having to change its name.

While some people will decry the move and call it bending over backwards in the name of political correctness, other people are not ignorant idiots. I do think, at times, our tendency as a society is to be too politically correct, but this is not one of those times. Please read how the term “redskin” negatively affects Native Americans here, as written by a Boston Celtics beat reporter with Native American heritage. I knew the term was pretty offensive, but I had no idea about its exact origins. It’s pretty gross.

Before I get into the fun stuff, since I’m not doing a whole post on the topic, I’d like to throw a special Hump Day Fuck You out to Washington owner Dan Snyder. Not only do you break my beautiful friend Brian Donovan’s heart every year with your fourth-grader-playing-franchise-mode-on-Madden-like decisions, you are a moron for saying shit like this about the Redskins name:

“[It] is more than a name we have called our football team for over eight decades. It is a symbol of everything we stand for: strength, courage, pride, and respect — the same values we know guide Native Americans and which are embedded throughout their rich history as the original Americans.”

What a dick.

What a dick.

You are a special kind of dickwad, Dan. Respect? You had the balls to use that word?

Moving on. Now that Washington’s team no longer has a nickname, it’s time to brainstorm some new options.

The Washington Washingtons. Fuck yeah, right? It’s got a ring to it. Imagine different Washingtons running around FedEx Field like the presidents do at Nationals Park. You could have a young George Washington, Washington Crossing the Delaware, and current Tennessee Titans receiver Nate Washington as the “Three Washingtons.” I see a movie franchise, too.

Teddy Roosevelt for the win! Imagine "The Three Washingtons" doing this.

Teddy Roosevelt for the win! Imagine “The Three Washingtons” doing this.

The Underwoods. In honor of Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright’s characters from House of Cards. That show takes place in Washington. And it’s good, though the second season was a little far-fetched. But it’s Tommy’s job to review TV, not mine.

The Tysons Corners. I’ve got relatives that live outside of D.C. and they go there to shop all the time. I think this could be kind of a cool name. Actually, this is by far the worst idea I have.

The Hanburgers. Chris Hanburger played linebacker for Washington from 1965-78 and is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Imagine a hamburger mascot with a football helmet on pumping up the Washington faithful. Awesome, right? He’d put the Hamburglar to shame.

The Congress. The offense and defense can fight on the sidelines and never actually go out on the field or get anything done. The special teams unit can be the Tea Party and capitalize on the bickering by hopping onto the field.

The Monuments. How perfect does “The Washington Monuments” sound? Pretty badass. I’m sure Snyder would be happy with the phallic symbolism going on here, since he’s basically waving his phallus in the disapproving public’s face.

The Senators. Bring the name back and use it in a different sport. Recycling ideas is the thing to do in Hollywood, so why not in the NFL?

With the right mind, these could converted into sweet football unis.

These could converted into sweet football unis.

The, Mr. Smith Goes To. James Stewart as the mascot. Boom goes the dynamite.

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Those are just a few ideas. What are your ideas? Leave them in the comment section or tweet at us. Let’s give Snyder a good list of names to choose from. We can probably get him to overpay us for it.