Snow Days For Adults

I’ve been a Southern California resident for over two and a half years. That means that I’ve been able to avoid the unforgiving weather that used to be part of my daily winter life in Chicago and Boston. I’ve traded trudging to class down Commonwealth Avenue through impromptu March snowstorms for cruising to work down the Pacific Coast Highway with my windows open in January.

But something doesn’t feel right. I’m not talking about the fact that I still have my Illinois driver’s license and Boston University student ID.

No, it’s something much deeper. I miss snow days.

Let me clarify: I don’t miss dealing with inclement weather for long periods of time. I don’t think anyone in his or her right mind would. Consistent warm weather isn’t something to bitch about.

I miss that email from BU saying classes are cancelled. I miss the freedom and infinite promise that a snow day brings. A snow day is one those rare days in your life when anything is possible. Well, except any outdoor activity that doesn’t involve snow. Or driving anywhere. Or flying. And sometimes walking can be difficult. But let’s not focus on the negative here, Nancy.

Epic movie.

Epic movie.

On a snow day, you can lead everyone in your elementary school on an exciting mission to stop Snowplowman from plowing the streets so that school stays closed, while your dad, Chevy Chase, squares off against a rival meteorologist to save his career. Oh wait, that’s the plot of Snow Day, a Nickelodeon Movie from 2000. I don’t care what IMDB says (4.9 rating out of 10), the movie’s tagline – “Rules were made to be frozen!” – tells you how amazing that movie is.

My friends in Chicago and Boston, do they cancel work on snow days when you’re an adult? If so, that’s freaking awesome. Think about all the cool stuff you did as a kid on a snow day and how much cooler it gets as an adult.

For example, sledding. You’re never too old to put on a pair of snow pants and wax your sled – that’s not a euphemism – before heading to the local sledding hill. However, as a younger kid, you were way too young to play beer pong before doing so. As a grownup, you can go sledding with a slight buzz that provides: (a) warmth (b) courage and (c) creativity. They really need to make a pro-drunk sledding commercial with Tim Allen narrating.

Snow days for adults mean Netflix binging like nobody’s business, too. Still behind on House of Cards and need to catch up before the new season comes out on February 14? Snow days solve that. Oh, want to get a head start on your tax return? Bam! A snow day is here to solve all your problems. Have you been meaning to email your friends from high school or college telling them how the hell your life is going? Oh yeah. Snow day has you covered, baby.

Oh man. Maybe I made a mistake moving to Los Angeles. Adult snow days sound earth shatteringly amazing. Imagine if you had a significant other on one of these stay at home winter days. You guys could you-know-what all day long. It’s totally possible. I mean it. Playing Heads Up on your iPhone all day is more than a reality. There are a million categories. What’d you think I was talking about?

Now this is the kind of fort I'm talking about.

Now this is the kind of fort I’m talking about.

If you’re single and incurably immature – like me – you could go build the sickest, most fortified snow fort on the block. Forget that kid crap. You’re an adult now. You have the resources and wherewithal to construct a snow fort that rivals The Wall from Game of Thrones (which coincidentally would be another great show to binge watch on a snow day). Imagine how awesome it would be to start an epic, all-out snowball battle with everyone on your block. Since you built the first castle, you could claim the Stark family name and start yelling “WINTER IS COMING!” and kick some serious ass. Although, you might want to clarify that you’re the first season Starks. I’m telling you, watch Game of Thrones!

I might be getting a little carried away here. Or maybe I’m just getting started. I don’t really know anymore. The warm weather has made my brain a little mushy. Part of me just wants to go to the beach and have a margarita.

But, damn it. There will always be that other part that wants to grease up the sled (again not a euphemism), chug a beer, glide down to my snow fort, and start a battle so freaking legendary that George R.R. Martin writes a whole seven-book series about it.


Happy snow day to all my friends on the East Coast!