The Millennial Woman

Cultivating Your Own Style

eastyncazin@outlook.com | Mother of Kittens

Summer time is in the air here in sweet sunny So Cal. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved fashion but never really bothered to cultivate my own personal style. Well not this time! 2014 is the year that Eastyn stops fucking around and gets serious. This means being serious about fashion too.

 

Summer 2014
What you see above is Eastyn’s summer look 2014. Let’s break this down.
1. Harem Trouser Pants. Like pajamas, but professional. So Cal gets hot as balls and I want something breezy.
2. Chains Everywhere. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Every day I wake up not an elven princess is a sad day indeed. Whimsical chains make me feel like I belong in LOTR.
3. Birkenstocks. Untwist your panties everybody. I’m all about comfort. I’m going to take FULL advantage of the Birkenstock resurgence and treat my feet to a little slice of heaven.
4. Septum Rings. I’ve been seeing some fake ones making the rounds recently. My response to those kids is:  “That’s nice and all, but I’m unimpressed until you have a hole in your face.”
5. Crop tops and Skimpy Bras. I want as much fabric as possible to cover as little of me as possible. Hence crop tops. And the look is never complete with out a little lacy number to make everybody just a little bit uncomfortable.
6. Glasses. I need to see too, you know?
7. Monochrome. I have a fair amount of tattoos. I don’t want to take away from them, so I’m keeping the colors neutral and no patterns.
So kids, what is your personal style? What do you think of this one? Let me know in the comments. Go to Polyvore and build your own sheet and show me. If I get enough of these, maybe I’ll make a post of what millennials are wearing this summer. Men and women alike! Get to it!
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Tommy, Let’s Have a Chat: Men Aren’t All That Bad

eastyncazin@outlook.com | Mother of Kittens

*Pulls out soap box*

So we’ve been writing for this blog for a while now. I’ve seen some things that you have posted that are fairly concerning to me. I’m putting my foot down. I can’t take this anymore. Although you have the best intentions it has become increasingly clear to me that you need a nice sit down chat.

Below are a few of your articles that legitimately bummed me out:

In your post, The Friend Debate, I saw a typical article on the age old question “can men and women be friends?” Leaving aside your reasons as for why a man would not have sex with a female friend (I can assure you there are more than three), the real issue here is that you seem to believe that men as a whole gender are sex driven maniacs, and that women are not. That’s just flat out wrong. Some men have no interest in sex. Some women only want sex, and I feel as though a majority of the population has a pretty even keeled and healthy sex drive for living organisms.

You mentioned that being only friends with a woman is something that should be rewarded, as though you deserve some kind of pat on the head for not trying to fuck everything that moves. You literally compared it to a dog receiving a treat for being well behaved. What a disservice that is to all other men. How low do you think of your own gender? That’s just called common courtesy.

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The Thrill of the Chase again shows that you have completely shoved men and women into these small stereotypical gender roles that boils men down to impulsive fuck machines and women into manipulative baby crazy wedding fiends. In a relationship the “chase” isn’t what will keep the “magic” alive. Relationships are work. After a while they are no longer spontaneous and romantic. They are a partnership in the best kind of way. A support system and a beautiful one at that. Saying that men just get worse as the relationship continues, again does a huge disservice to your gender. As if the only motivation any man could have for a relationship exists in your pants.

I can’t even form complete thoughts on your Open Question To Women: Why Are You So Enchanting article. The previous two articles mostly brought to light your thoughts on how men act, however this one was just blatant objectification. I don’t need to explain why that’s inappropriate.

My Reaction When

My Reaction When

Your Would You Rather (Fucked in the Ass Edition) was fairly baffling. As though you think all gay men and all women would really enjoy having something crammed up their ass and as though all straight men would hate it.  Enjoyment of anal sex is quite fluid amongst all genders and sexualities. Don’t knock it until you try it, I say.

Your latest article, Open Question to Women: Are You All Squirters was the final straw for me. Orgasms and squirting are not the same. The female orgasm isn’t a debate, women can have one. It’s achievable. Squirting is a debate due to the fact that not much is known about where it comes from and how. It’s not from the same place as the typical female orgasm, and although it is the same chemical make up of urine, it is also not from the bladder. That is the larger debate. The debate of “WTF is squirting.”

Again, you underestimate men. Reaching orgasm is a two person game. The blame does not lie with anybody other than lack of education. Women should explore and find out what works for them, and then communicate with their partner to create a unique experience between partners. A blending of preferences and techniques. Not to mention orgasm does not need to be achieved by either party at all times. It is perfectly acceptable for men to not orgasm, as well as for women. If you are just flat out never able to, it’s time to go to a doctor or re-evaluate what you find to be sexually pleasing.

My new favorite stock photo.

My new favorite stock photo.

So, Tommy, the conclusion is that not only do you seem to inadvertently objectify women into sexual and romantic fantasies, but also have completely reduced men into one dimensional beings capable only of spreading their seed. It is important for you to look inside and realize: “What does this say about me?” It is one thing to act and think this way yourself, but a whole other thing to speak for a whole gender. I’ve asked you this before, and I will ask you this again, “Do you need a hug, Tommy? I feel like you need a hug.” Human beings are complex individuals with differing feelings and motives. Including yourself.

*Steps down from soap box*

Now that it’s all said and done, let’s discuss. Beer is on me.

Do I Buy Into The Game Of Thrones Hype?

eastyncazin@outlook.com | You may now call me Khaleesi

So for the last few months I have effectively fooled Billy into thinking that I actually watch Game of Thrones. What I really do is browse Reddit the day after and gather up the main talking points and feign my way through conversations in the office.

Accurate representation of me.

Accurate representation of me.

The other thing that might lead people to believe that I watch the show is my unabashed love for Khaleesi and her dragons. Billy has even so fondly started calling me Khaleesi and my kittens my dragons. This is a trend I am completely unopposed to. Everybody should do this. Although, Cat-eesi might be more accurate.

ALL THIS ASIDE, Billy posed a question to me.

“Why don’t you just watch the show?”

My answer was simple. I didn’t enjoy the books.

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More specifically, I didn’t like George RR Martin. I started reading them after the hype started when the show began. In theory these books should have been the fucking end all be all for me. However, I had been over-saturated with interviews of George RR Martin being George RR Martin. The omnipresent narrator throughout the series just felt like George RR Martin telling a story he was inappropriately proud of. It just rubbed me the wrong way. I could no longer separate the books from his voice.

I struggled my way through the first book. Devoured anything to do with my sweet sweet Khaleesi, and then half way through the second on and couldn’t make myself go any further.

For this reason, I do not watch the show. Not because I’m a huge book snob, but because I have found that I enjoy shows or movies based on books so much MORE when I had a strong understanding of the series that inspired it.

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The Harry Potter movies were so fantastic to me because I had invested so much time in that world already. On the flip side, I tried watching the Hunger Games and was wholly uninvested with the story. I had no connection with anybody.

I understand that Game of Thrones is a different breed entirely, but I just feel as though if I cannot get through the books, who is to say that the show is even worth my time?

What do you think? Should I start watching the show? Or continue to just catch the highlights as they appear on Reddit?

Let me know!

Dear Billy: Have No Fear… Eastyn is Here!

Dear Billy,

I am pleased to inform you that I am quite possibly your best source of information for Instagram. Please, do not fret. Your fears are all valid. Instagram can be a confusing place.

Tom seems to have answered your questions quite thoroughly, so allow me to provide you with a few excess tidbits of information to consider.

What Kind of “Liker” Are You?

There are two schools of thought.

1. You can like absolutely everything and then use the absence of a like to really drive a point home.

2. You can like nothing except a few and when you do dole out those likes, boy oh boy is it awesome.

Personally, I opt for the former. It really speaks to me as a person.

Selfies?

You’re absolutely gorgeous. Post ALL OF THE SELFIES. I need them for science.

How Often to Post?

If you have a pet, you are contractually obligated to post at least three pictures of said pet a week. If you do not, you can replace that with something else. You inquired about sunsets in your previous post, and that is a perfectly acceptable option. Meals do not count as actual posts, you can do all three of those a day. Everybody is super interested in what you’re eating. Especially if you’re on a Paleo diet or participating in the cult of Crossfit.

How Many Hashtags Are TOO Many?

Any more than three is gratuitous.

Which Kardashians Do I Follow?

All of them.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

Five Comics for People Who Aren’t Super Into Super Heroes

eastyncazin@outlook.com | No dick pics.

So you like art, you like reading and you like the idea of comics but aren’t really all that pumped on the whole Marvel vs. DC schtick. Have no fear good people. I am here to save the day with a few recommendations of my own.

1. Northlanders

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A series of unrelated one shot stories, all of which based in a viking era Scandinavia. This series blew my fucking mind. To be blunt. The art is beautiful. The lives and stories painted within this series are so tangible, I tried multiple times to crawl into the pages. To no avail. Obviously.

2. Saga

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I’ll just leave you with this quote from the writer:

“This is an original fantasy book with no superheroes, two non-white leads and an opening chapter featuring graphic robot sex. I thought we might be cancelled by our third issue.”

– Brian K. Vaughan 

3. The Goon

The_Goon_color_test_by_chriss2d

The Goon is a prohibition era based comic about a former circus freak (Goon) and his little buddy (Frankie) offering up protection services from the zombie king and other sorts of supernatural happenings. Busty babes, slap stick humor, and creepy fish monsters. It has everything you could ever want.

4. The Strange Talent of Luther Strode

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So. You like gore? You like lots of gore? Like literal blood, guts, and brains smattered across the page? You also like stories of nerdy scrawny dudes becoming perfectly trained buff as fuck killers? Luther Strode is the one for you.

5. Ozma of Oz

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This is only one title in a series of a few, however it was my favorite. Ozma of Oz comes from the mind of Eric Shanower and art is done by the talented Scottie Young. It is a re-imagining of a part of the Wizard of Oz series, and told in a new fun way. Totally great for all ages. The humor in it is spot on and innocent in a way that is refreshing.

Let me know if you have any that I need to get my grubby little media consuming hands on!

On Bullying and Assimilation

eastyncazin@outlook.com | No dick pics.

So I wasn’t going to write about this topic because it is hard to write about it without singling out a certain type of people. I’m going to try my best, and I apologize for generalizations. After browsing the internet briefly, I have come across this imgur post. The sauce being found right here.

This is the girl. Nothing too outrageous in my opinion. She definitely could have chosen something more eye catching.

This is the girl. Nothing too outrageous in my opinion. She definitely could have chosen something more eye catching.

For those of you who are not interested in clicking the link it is about a girl in high school who chose to wear her cosplay gear at her school. She was expecting backlash, but she ended up being attacked. Then proceeded to watch her peers praise the girl who had done the attacking on Facebook.

A little background on what social climate I was raised in: Growing up in this weird social bubble of the upper middle class of Orange County, California, I am well aware of this kind of behavior. My high school was teeming with it. Ideals of generic beauty were shoved down my throat at such an early age. I was expected to tan. To wear a size 0. To wear make up. Natural hair color? No way, are you insane?!

This wasn't just a show. It was a way of life.

This wasn’t just a show. It was a way of life.

I had to try, but not too hard. I needed to look natural, but not so natural that I could be mistaken for being sick. I had to be attractive but could never EVER admit that I thought I was. I learned to count calories at 13. The daily allowance of 2000 was always too much, 1500 even seems like a high number. I can’t eat anything without seeing those numbers float across my face. These things are all taught. Ingrained into me, and most girls I went to high school with. Those are just the physical parts of it. Heaven forbid you had a personality quirk that was obvious. Your parents would put you on Adderall so fast, you wouldn’t even have time to blink.

What it all boils down to is if there is a specific set of standards set forth, appearance wise, that people expect and are comfortable with. Especially with young women. That standard ideal of feminine beauty was a strong suffocating stench in my adolescence that I just didn’t really understand, but tried hard not to stand out too much. When somebody deviates from that, especially in a high school setting, children can get mean. Especially in a fairly homogeneous community like Orange County.

This girl was expressing her interest in her hobbies. I can honestly say I feel this is absolutely no different than a football player wearing his jersey to school the day before a big game. He is interested in sports. He plays football. He wears his football jersey to school. Nobody blinks an eye. What is the difference here? However, this is the Eastyn removed almost six years from high school talking.

See you, Space Cowboy.

See you, Space Cowboy.

15 year old Eastyn is horrified by this though. 15 year old Eastyn told nobody that she read manga, or stayed up until 1am to catch reruns of Cowboy Bebop. 15 year old Eastyn saw the members of the Anime club get harassed daily, kept her mouth shut, her head down, and tried to assimilate. Only her closest friends knew of her interests. 15 year old Eastyn is wholly unsurprised by the fact that this girl was attacked.

24 year old Eastyn is a little nauseous by that realization. Children should never ever have to fear for their safety like that. She should be able to cosplay everyday without incident. As long as it isn’t distracting to herself or those around her, it is baffling that any negative backlash should happen at all.

Beautiful use of stock photo. Nice, Eastyn. Nice.

Beautiful use of stock photo. Nice, Eastyn. Nice.

The real question is, what is the correct thing to do? Is it to be understood that it is human nature that people will seek out those who are different and literally beat them into place? Do we even attempt to fight back, to let teens like her know that it really is okay? That life does get better?

Assimilation isn’t bad, in my opinion. I think there are cases where it is necessary to fit in, and gain trust and respect of your peers. Is this one of those situations? I honestly have no idea.

Please, email me or sound off in the comments. What do YOU think?

The Millennial’s Guide To Not Being a Shit Tourist

eastyncazin@outlook.com | Still waiting for my Hogwarts letter.

If there’s one thing I am absolutely thankful for in this day and age, its our generation’s ability to pick up and go if we feel like being a little irresponsible. Planning is out. Spur of the moment is in. With great power, however, comes great responsibility. How do you ensure that we don’t fuck this up for the rest of us? By being courteous travelers, that’s how. Here are some tips for the adventurous millennial forever on the go.

1. Do your research.

If you’re heading into some unknown territory with a culture vastly different from your own, be sure to read up on what is and isn’t acceptable. Your full sleeve tattoo might be the height of fashion in Venice Beach but I assure you that if you’re heading to Japan, you might find yourself being kindly asked to leave an establishment.

2. Pay extra for that international data.

You never know what bullshit you might get yourself into, but having a working phone while you’re out and about will definitely be a game changer. Be prepared for worst case scenario, and being able to actually reach out with that line of communication can alleviate that stress.

3. Pack light, buy extra luggage there if you need to.

Baggage fees are the worst. I said it. If you’re going somewhere for a prolonged period of time, it’s often best to pack the bare minimum and then purchase baggage when you are there as needed. You’ll breeze through lines at the airport and it’s one last thing to worry about when you arrive to your destination. Being able to subtract any amount of stress is a huge plus in my book. If you do need to check a bag, make sure everything is nice and secure, and it can stand out from the other masses of black square things.

4. Learn some of the language.

I’m not saying learn how to communicate effectively. Figure out your “please”s, “thank you”s, “excuse me”s and your “Es tut mir leid, aber ich spreche Deutsch nicht”s .

5. Be polite.

Treat everybody with the utmost of respect. Enjoy a drink or two, but don’t get shit faced. Be excited about the Eiffel tower, but you don’t need to yell about it. You’re a visitor. People there are living their day to day life. They are not on vacation. You are. You are the minority. As much as I would like to believe that the world does revolve around me, it does not. Unfortunately. That’d be rad as hell.

6. Do as the locals do.

Make sure to plan out at least one day to walk around and do things that you would probably do at home. Go to the hole in the wall restaurant down the street. Head to a bar and have a few beers. Go eat lunch at a park. Do something that isn’t immediately sight seeing, and get a sense for what daily life might be for the people there. If you’re feeling spry, head to the internet and do some quick research. In my opinion, these mundane experiences are the ones that stay with you the most.

7. Ask somebody to order for you.

If you’re out to eat with somebody from the area, have them make the food decisions. My most recent trip to Japan, I just asked for nobody to tell me what I was eating so that way I could try it out with no mental block. Not everything was my favorite (intestines), but there were some insanely delicious finds (beef tongue).

8. Only buy things you cannot get at home.

This saves you a ton of money. Chances are, that H&M carries most of the inventory as the one at your local mall. Save those cool $20 for something you absolutely could not get anywhere else.

9. Clean up.

Before you leave, take the time to clean where you have stayed. Even if it is a hotel. You’ll feel better about yourself as a person.

There you have it. Traveling. Fun stuff. Take my advice or don’t. I don’t run your life.

Why Living Alone is the Most Dangerous of Activites

eastyncazin@outlook.com | No dick pics.

Hello! I’ve missed you all. So much. I want to say life happened, but what really happened was video games. To use a modern turn of phrase: Sorry not sorry.

Today I am here to discuss with you the dangers of living alone. I’m not talking about serial killers or anything. I’m talking about things that you just plain don’t think about until you’re by yourself for prolonged periods of time. Things that are totally feasible and legitimate hazards of day to day life of living by yourself.

The Kitchen: 

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  • If you live alone, who is to tell you that you can’t eat a whole cake for dinner? Nobody. You can emotionally eat your life away with nobody to shame you into not doing so.
  • Taking a cue from my spirit animal, Liz Lemon, choking. My diet now primarily consists of things that will not kill me if I am trying to eat it. I’ve had to give up my live squid obsession, and substituted it for juice and soups because those won’t get lodged in my esophagus.
  • That growing pile of dirty dishes is a breeding ground for all kinds of nasty shit, but you live alone. Nobody is going to judge you if you let that spaghetti bowl sit for a few days..weeks.

The Living Room:

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  • Chances are you have something that allows you to binge watch TV shows for hours upon hours on end. You will one day melt into a puddle of what was once a human and only be able to regurgitate pop culture references as your Hulu automatically starts season 10 of The Only Way is Essex.
  • Furniture Corners. My worst enemy. Need I say more?

The Bedroom:

lizlemonwakeup

  • Getting out of bed is hard 9 times out of 10. Without your mother to come in and ask you about wasted daylight, you might as well just stay in there for, I don’t know, all weekend?
  • Why make the bed? Let’s be honest, you’re not getting laid as much as you say you are. Hell, you’re not getting laid at all. You’ll just continue to alligator roll your sheets and blanket into a strangulation device as you quietly slumber, but it adds a little much needed excitement to your bedtime routine, right?
  • Sweatpants are your best friend. You’re not even ashamed.

The Bathroom:

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  • Most of my fears involving the bathroom stem around slipping and falling in the shower. There’s that terrible moment of panic when you feel your foot go right out from underneath you, you helplessly grab onto the shower curtain and you see your life flash before your eyes. The rest of your shower is then spent considering getting a gym membership, because if you’re going to die naked, might as well look fabulous while doing it.
  • You get a little overly confident about your singing abilities. You think it won’t start to go to your head, but it does. Here’s a hint: just don’t let it fall into your public sphere of life. Save yourself that mortification.
  • Why do you need to close the door? You don’t! You live alone. Its just sometimes you forget when you have company over… or when you are at somebody else’s home.

I mean, other than that, living alone is great. I definitely don’t talk to myself out loud at all.

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But really. It’s nice.

 

10.5 Things That Make My Brain Hurt

eastyncazin@outlook.com | No dick pics

Two weeks ago I wrote about the things that were making me happy that week. This week has been one big ball of confusion for me, and let me tell you why:

1. Cheese

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This isn’t an isolated confusion to this week. This is an all the time confusion. So I guess I’m cheating with this one because I needed something to write about. But… really people?

2. The Mechanics of Space and Time

This last Tuesday, I woke up 10 minutes early, and managed to be 20 minutes late. I did nothing different in my routine. I don’t know where that 30 minutes went? Dear life, I’d like those 30 minutes back because I just don’t even remember what I did with them.

3. People Who Care About Strangers’ Hair Cuts

I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of Twiggy, is all.

I just wanted an excuse to post a picture of Twiggy, is all.

I had no idea I was making a political statement with cutting my hair short. Fuck me, right?

4. Why My Cats Are So Cute

It seems as though the more annoying they are, the more adorable they are. I can’t figure out well. I’ll make the science happen and will report back eventually.

5. Teeth

They are just actual parts of your skeleton that aren’t covered by skin and we display them to show emotions like happiness. What?

6. Speaking English

This.

Communication over all has been hard. I’m now convinced that english is perhaps my fourth language. Not even my second. Everything I say, type, do, I feel like I’m slowly descending into gibberish.

7. Allison Harvard’s eyes.

Maybe I'm just jealous.

Maybe I’m just jealous.

Is it just me or do they get progressively bigger every year?

8. Why I Think I Need Three Cups of Coffee Before Noon

I don’t. I just don’t, but I’ve been taking it as a serious personal challenge this week. Every morning I get into work and say “Eastyn, just have tea.” And every day at 1 pm I have a mental breakdown because I’ve had nothing but apples and coffee and I can’t handle myself anymore.

9. Community Hot Tubs

Stranger soup????

10. It’s Already March and I’m Already Overwhelmed With Video Games.

Talk about a first world problem, amirite guys?

Talk about a first world problem, amirite guys? Guys?

I have started A Link Between Worlds, Rune Factory 4, Final Fantasy XIII: Lightning Returns, Assassin’s Creed IV, and Default Bravely. And that’s not including the games I’ve started and never finished once I got Skyrim because I can’t stop thinking about it. What am I doing to myself? On that note…

10.5. Skyrim

I love it. It’s been 3 years since it has been released. I haven’t played it in months. I still dream about it. Why is this so? Please, I need a support group or something.

There you have it folks. I have heard that confusion is a symptom of over hydration, so maybe my problem isn’t too much coffee… It is too much water.

?????????

I need an adult.

5 Realities Better Than This One

eastyncazin@gmail.com | No dick pics.

Last night I had a really wonderful conversation about the concept of self identity and how others label you.

After some long consideration, and a brief break to stand outside and enjoy the rare California rain, I came to the conclusion that my perpetual sense of being out of place stems from a voracious reading habit. I was not meant to be of this reality. It has been clear for some time now. If a portal opened up into any of these worlds, and I had the option to walk through, and leave everything behind (well, I’d take my kittens OBVIOUSLY), I’d do it. No questions asked. Nothing against my friends, I just want to do magic, guys.

Here is a list of the worlds that I should have been born into:

1. Tamriel – Skyrim or Morrowind, I’ll take either.

I NEED to go to there.

I NEED to go to there.

Tamriel is the world in which the Elder Scrolls games take place. I’ve logged in obscene amounts of hours (well over 200) into Skyrim. What a life I could lead. A wood elf, Bosmer if ya nasty, assassin and thief just ruining the day of all the people. Calling my animal friends to me to fight off the guards. Buying a home just to store cheese wheels in there. It truly would be the life. I could do without the responsibility of slaying dragons though.

2. Tortall

Ah yes, the map of my home.

Ah yes, the map of my home.

This is a world from the wonderful mind of Tamora Pierce. Her and J.K. Rowling are wholly responsible for my childhood. Tortall is a land of lady knights, magic, dragons, basilisks and Thief Kings with hearts of gold. If you know any Thief Kings with hearts of gold, hook a girl up.

3. Chalion

Oh look, it's not just a weird shaped Europe.

Oh look, it’s not just a weird shaped Europe.

Lois McMaster Bujold is a goddamn genius. She paints a world of demons and magic so subtle and so lovely that as I read the Curse of the Chalion and then Paladin of Souls I wanted so badly to crawl through the pages and nestle myself into adventure. I want to speak to gods and lose my mind, but have unimaginable power too, you know?

4. Wherever Harvest Moon Happens

The game where doing chores is fun, and nobody cares if you're dating 5 girls at once.

The game where doing chores is fun, and nobody cares if you’re dating 5 girls at once.

If I could live in a world where I become a millionaire in a year just by running around my farm and having a 100% crop succession rate so long as I water them daily, sign me up. Harvest Moon has been a long standing obsession of mine. Why? It’s the most relaxing game ever invented, and so satisfying. You do your chores, you make so much money. You give a girl a flower a day? You’re married in three seasons. Maybe that’s where Billy is going wrong with Emma Watson?

5. The Four Corners of Civilization

Ah yes, weird shaped Europe.

Ah yes, weird shaped Europe.

If you have not yet picked up The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, please just go outside (I know it is tough) and make it happen. By any means possible. It is a world so rich with such a practical approach to how magic could happen, I found myself trying the techniques myself. You’d think at 24 I would stop getting disappointed that magic isn’t happening.

We can actually add this entire post to the list of why I am single as well. What world do you belong in? Tell me in the comments so I can judge your reading choices.