Follow Me Into The Jungle

Earlier this week I answered Billy’s questions on Why Americans Should Watch Soccer. But today, on the opening day of the 2014 World Cup, I’m reaching out to Millennials as to why we should watch this specific World Cup using a format we all love, Buzzfeed list.

1. The World Cup of Twitter 

It is a chance to tweet to the world. The World Cup is the most watched event in all the world, over 2 billion people will watch over the next month. This is your chance to make snarky comments and broadcast it to the world. Want to stick it to snobby Frenchman? Well then, start preparing some jokes about how ugly Frank Ribiery is ahead of their first match on Sunday? Oh that was nice of France to let the Hunchback of Notre Dame participate on their team. Good to make him feel included to keep him from hanging himself. 


2. Soccer Crowds Are Wild 

Millennials enjoy a good time. We’re young, hopefully healthy, and we want to enjoy every minute of life. These same attributes apply to a soccer crowd. It is the craziest sporting crowds in the world and reason enough to tune into the World Cup.

You’ll get to see people doing this…


And since it is in Brazil, hopefully this…


3. Neymar is Simba

All Millennials love the Lion King. Well in this World Cup the host nation has a Prince they want to crown king if he wins them the World Cup. Most of you probably know Neymar as that dude from the Beats commercial talking to his dad, but to Brazilians, he is a demi-God, the hope of a nation. There is a good chance that if Brazil wins the Cup that crowd will run onto the pitch, pull a Rafiki, and present Neymar to the heavens. Nobody wants to miss out on that, right?

4. A Great Excuse to Drink at Noon on a Tuesday

Life is tough. We all miss the simple days of college where class was optional and any day could turn into an epic party. The World Cup provides us with the excuse to live like that again for a little while. Take a long 6-8 pint lunch, play hookey, call in sick, do whatever it is you have to do to get the day off, then go down to your local pub and let loose. Opportunities like this do not come around too often.



5. Goals Are Incredible

In this age of instant gratification there is something beautiful about the patience required to score a goal in soccer. It might not happen often, but when it does it feels extra special because of how difficult it was to earn. Every Millennial could practice a little more patience, soccer provides us with that opportunity.


6. Cristiano Ronaldo 

Ronaldo will provide everyone with a great release. Whether through admiring his incredible play and even more incredible abs.


Or by providing someone on to which we can direct all our anger in order to avoid yelling at our loved ones. Either way we need Ronaldo, he provides great therapy.

7. Michael Bradley is Giving Jason Statham Support 

Poor Jason Statham has been carrying the mantle of badass white bald guy for too long. Thankfully Michael Bradley is here to relieve him. Americans might be upset at the exclusion of Landon Donavan from our squad, but that controversy has overshadowed the fact that Bradley is a stud. Tune in and learn to love this Bald White Badass.

Get out the way Ref! Michael Bradley don't give a fuck!

Get out the way Ref! Michael Bradley don’t give a fuck!

Look, millennials have the right to make up their own mind. Don’t watch the World Cup cause I tell you to or ESPN floods you with commercials to force you to in order to justify its purchase. We can make up our own minds and decide if the World’s game is for us or not. I just want you to want to watch the Cup. I’m not sure if there is anything that I can do to convince you, but I have to at least try that is my choice. If you’re stuck at work and without a TV/access to Watch ESPN on your computer or mobile device, the feel free to follow me @Damilllennialman on Twitter as I live tweet today’s opening game. Best of luck to every nation, but Go USA!


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