Hump Day F*$% You: Abubakar Shekau (and all of Boko Haram)

I’d like to introduce a new series I’m calling “Hump Day Fuck You.” Wednesday is about the time we grow sick of being at work, so I figured it’s a good day to let off some steam. And what better way to let off steam than to tear a prick a new a-hole? Wait, that doesn’t sound right. But you get my point. Hopefully.

Normally, I don’t like to talk politics or world events on this blog because I’m not the right person to discuss them at length. I don’t have the right credentials. But once in a while, world news really gets under my skin.

On April 14, Boko Haram, an Islamic Jihadist and Takfiri terrorist organization, kidnapped 276 female students from a Nigerian Government Secondary School in the town of Chibok. Members of Boko Haram forcibly took the students from their dormitory rooms and piled them into buses. Many of the girls are being sold as brides or slaves for the price of $12.50. Some girls managed to escape, but the latest report is that there are still over 230 students missing. And to add to that pain, Boko Haram has abducted 8 more girls in the past few weeks.


See the link toward the bottom to sign this petition.

See the link toward the bottom to sign this petition.

Boko Haram, a Hausa term, translates in English to “Western education is sinful.” They are led by a ruthless dickbag named Abubakar Shekau, who is a classic send-other-guys-to-do-his-dirty-work villain. He is known for being good at crafting disguises. He is a loner. He hides in the shadows. He has overseen the death of more than 3,000 innocent people since taking the Boko Haram reigns after the death of former leader Mohammed Yusuf five years ago. He threatened to start kidnapping girls back in May 2013.

U.S. officials put a $7 million bounty on his head last June. The Nigeria military falsely claimed they killed Shekau on multiple occasions, but the bastard keeps resurfacing in tapings (propaganda videos), taunting the Western world and celebrating his egregious acts.

Thus, this week’s Hump Day Fuck You goes out to Abubakar Shekau, a cowardly, conniving, and hypocritical piece of shit.

For the record, Shekau, who strongly believes Western education is sinful, is a religious scholar. He attended Borno State College of Legal and Islamic Studies and is an expert in monotheism. Additionally, he speaks many languages fluently – among them Arabic, Hausa, Kanuri, and Fulani. Of course, he doesn’t speak English because that would be sinful.

I believe in free speech. Every human is entitled to that right. So I’m fine with Shekau voicing his hate for America and the West. But I’m not okay with his kidnapping innocent children and saying, “Slavery is allowed in my religion, and I shall capture people and make them slaves.”

You’re a bastard, Shekau. Not only are you preying on indefensible kids who deserve the chance to complete their education the way you did, you are creating an uphill battle for millions of your religious brothers and sisters who are good, caring people who would never hurt an innocent human being. Granted, ignorant people who conclude that crazy buttholes like you speak for the rest of the Muslims in the world are just as dumb as you.

Allah isn’t commanding you to sell young girls as you have claimed. You are a slave to your own fucked-up view on justice. Today you were responsible for an attack in Abuja that killed nearly 300 people, and I know you’ll justify it as payback for the security crackdown that killed Yusuf and a sizable number of his followers back in 2009. There is no excuse for your actions, Shekau. You are nothing but a deranged, power-hungry terrorist.

Surely, he’ll use the Human Rights Commission reports that accuse the Nigerian military of arbitrary killings, rape, and torture in its campaign against you to say something like, “We’re not the only ones doing it.” If those reports are true, then the Nigerian military is to blame, too.

But the fact of the matter is that NOTHING excuses you and Boko Haram from abducting young, innocent girls from a place they and their parents thought was safe. I don’t want to hear your poison rationalizations defending your right to sell them into slavery and marriage.

Don’t use religion as a shield for your shameful acts. Stop hiding. Stop sending video after killing more innocent humans. Your video production team sucks anyway. And you look awful on camera you slimy bitch.

I apologize for all the angry language today, but hurting innocent people – especially innocent children – riles me up. I’ve signed this wonderful petition on and encourage you to do so, too. I know it’s not much, but it’s a start. It’s about time to get this story as much attention as the idiotic remarks made by Donald Sterling got.

I send my prayers and condolences to the family of the missing Nigerian students.

And to Abubakar Shekau: Fuck. You.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s