Happy Birthday Emma Watson

Dear Emma (Watson),

Eastyn informed me today is your birthday, so have a good one. I promised I wouldn’t write any more letters, but unlike a dementor, I have a soul.

What else is there to say, really? I don’t know how much more you could ask for on your birthday than my undying love. And I already gave that to you. I didn’t need an occasion.

I’m not bitter. I think your cold, quiet rejection helped me see the world for what it really is: a place where only some people get to live out their wildest fantasies. The rest of us trudge through the monotony of everyday life with stenciled-on grins to hide our charred souls.

Happy Birthday. Don't expect a card in the mail from the Millennial Man.

Happy Birthday. Don’t expect a card in the mail from the Millennial Man.

I stole that last line from a Hallmark card I found in the “Tongue-In-Cheek Birthday” section at CVS. I would send it, but your consistent show of apathy leads me to believe you’d toss any paper greeting from me straight into the trash. And frankly, I can’t waste $4 right now.

Luckily, writing this blog post is free, so happy 24th, Hermione.  Hope you enjoy it teaching yoga or doing whatever awesome thing you’re doing these days.

Whatever,

Billy

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s