The Huffington Post has a slideshow of things people prefer over sex. Sleep, cell phones, compliments, bacon, food in general, lighter backpack, the internet, and youth. It’s an interesting list and it inspired me to think, if I had to choose only one for the rest of my life, what would I choose over sex.
Let’s take away necessities, food, water, and shelter, since that takes away the fun in the question. Plus I might actually choose sex over shelter, which would make it hard to get laid as a homeless man. Are maybe easier? Who knows what homeless people do to kill the time? Instead let’s take a look at luxuries and decide if any are worth giving up sex for the rest of our lives.
1. Sleep – Sleep is a necessity, unfortunately, but in the context of this article this is the choice of going to sleep without having sex. I’ve been very tired before and enjoy morning sex more than any other time of the day, but unless I’m passed out from too much drinking I’ll give it a go. It may be sloppy, uncomfortable, and very displeasing for the woman, but it will still be an attempt before I go to sleep. And even though there is a good chance I will not finish in this state, it still is an attempt. Once I either miraculously cum or the woman has had enough of me trying, I will immediately go to sleep, no cuddling whatsoever.
2. Cell Phones – This is an easy one to apply some skillful litigation work to since cell phones are a bit obsolete with the rise of tablets, which basically do everything, but make calls. But, besides my parents, I do not talk to anyone on the phone anyways, so this is an easy one to get around.
3. Compliments – At first I laughed at the ridiculousness of choosing this over sex, but the more I thought about it the more it started to make senes. One reason why we have sex is to feel better about ourselves. It is a nice ego boost to know that someone was willing to get naked with us and do the most intimate thing two people can. However, often times that good feeling fades in the morning and we come crashing down to the reality that the other person regrets having sex with us very much. This is a difficult low to recover from, plus not too mention sex often leads to guilt unless it is with someone we truly love. Compliments help boost our ego without leaving us exposed and vulnerable to feel a lot of soul crashing pain. Unless of course the compliment is a set up for a classic “Not-Joke.” Those are very painful. In the end, the high of sex is too much to pass up and is worth never receiving a compliment again.
4. Bacon – Oooo boy, this is the hardest one yet. Bacon, the best single food item, pizza is too broad to count. I can’t imagine never being able to taste sweet, savory bacon ever again. In complete seriousness, bacon has given me a more orgasmic feeling than a few of my experiences with sex. It is so good, but as I get older I would have to start cutting it out of my diet, which would be difficult. It would make it easier to give up bacon if I knew it saved me from never having to have sex again. Still, this would be very difficult. In fact I need to know what the majority of readers would choose.
5. Lighter backpack – This was the dumbest answer on the list. You’re better than this Huffington Post.
6. Youth – This is a little vague. If it were a choice between living forever or having sex, then I would take living forever. If it is just about delaying the age process or not aging anymore till the day we die, then I would take sex. One of the major draws of youth is having more energy to have sex, so choosing youth seems wasted in this scenario. Damn it, Ariana, make sure your writers are more detailed with these things.
7. Internet- Let’s not drag things out any further, I’m going to throw TV in with Internet as the two things that would make me give up sex. Call me crazy, but I cannot imagine a life where I can never watch my favorite TV programs or watch another sporting event again. It would not be a life I’d like to lead. Thanks in part to the internet, television programming is available any time at any place you want. Sex that happens at any time and place you want is called rape.
Sex is great, but I would bet that everyone has one luxury that they would choose over it for the rest of their lives. But don’t let me assume, tell me by answering the poll down below.