5 Realities Better Than This One

eastyncazin@gmail.com | No dick pics.

Last night I had a really wonderful conversation about the concept of self identity and how others label you.

After some long consideration, and a brief break to stand outside and enjoy the rare California rain, I came to the conclusion that my perpetual sense of being out of place stems from a voracious reading habit. I was not meant to be of this reality. It has been clear for some time now. If a portal opened up into any of these worlds, and I had the option to walk through, and leave everything behind (well, I’d take my kittens OBVIOUSLY), I’d do it. No questions asked. Nothing against my friends, I just want to do magic, guys.

Here is a list of the worlds that I should have been born into:

1. Tamriel – Skyrim or Morrowind, I’ll take either.

I NEED to go to there.

I NEED to go to there.

Tamriel is the world in which the Elder Scrolls games take place. I’ve logged in obscene amounts of hours (well over 200) into Skyrim. What a life I could lead. A wood elf, Bosmer if ya nasty, assassin and thief just ruining the day of all the people. Calling my animal friends to me to fight off the guards. Buying a home just to store cheese wheels in there. It truly would be the life. I could do without the responsibility of slaying dragons though.

2. Tortall

Ah yes, the map of my home.

Ah yes, the map of my home.

This is a world from the wonderful mind of Tamora Pierce. Her and J.K. Rowling are wholly responsible for my childhood. Tortall is a land of lady knights, magic, dragons, basilisks and Thief Kings with hearts of gold. If you know any Thief Kings with hearts of gold, hook a girl up.

3. Chalion

Oh look, it's not just a weird shaped Europe.

Oh look, it’s not just a weird shaped Europe.

Lois McMaster Bujold is a goddamn genius. She paints a world of demons and magic so subtle and so lovely that as I read the Curse of the Chalion and then Paladin of Souls I wanted so badly to crawl through the pages and nestle myself into adventure. I want to speak to gods and lose my mind, but have unimaginable power too, you know?

4. Wherever Harvest Moon Happens

The game where doing chores is fun, and nobody cares if you're dating 5 girls at once.

The game where doing chores is fun, and nobody cares if you’re dating 5 girls at once.

If I could live in a world where I become a millionaire in a year just by running around my farm and having a 100% crop succession rate so long as I water them daily, sign me up. Harvest Moon has been a long standing obsession of mine. Why? It’s the most relaxing game ever invented, and so satisfying. You do your chores, you make so much money. You give a girl a flower a day? You’re married in three seasons. Maybe that’s where Billy is going wrong with Emma Watson?

5. The Four Corners of Civilization

Ah yes, weird shaped Europe.

Ah yes, weird shaped Europe.

If you have not yet picked up The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, please just go outside (I know it is tough) and make it happen. By any means possible. It is a world so rich with such a practical approach to how magic could happen, I found myself trying the techniques myself. You’d think at 24 I would stop getting disappointed that magic isn’t happening.

We can actually add this entire post to the list of why I am single as well. What world do you belong in? Tell me in the comments so I can judge your reading choices.

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