Anyone looking for big laughs on their Friday night, of course went and saw About Last Night last Friday. But since we cannot be blessed with a Kevin Hart Valentine’s movie every Friday, I’ve got an acceptable alternative, Cards Against Humanity. If you’ve never played before, shame on you. It takes the basic principles of the childhood game Apples to Apples, only instead of things like George Washington and happy, it has AIDS and sad hand jobs. This allows for answers such as “What Does Dick Cheney prefer?” “Coat hanger abortions.” Or even better, the pick two cards, which allows this phrase to happen, “Vladamir Putin eats ‘The Placenta’ filled with ‘Ronald Regan.”
Is this 10 times more offensive? At least, but it is also more than 10 times as fun. I’ve never trusted people who cannot enjoy a little offensive humor. Anyone who cannot separate jokes from reality worry me. Do we actually hope the former Vice President performs coat hanger abortions in his spare time? No, but it is funny to joke about especially in this game. Therefore, lighten up, call over a few friends and make a night out of it. I would recommend limiting it to 6 people max, the game flows better.
US Men’s Hockey Game
I tried to stay up to watch this game, 4:30 am on the west coast. Our buddies had ordered a keg to pregame and get properly prepared for the big game against the Soviets. I’m still not convinced the Cold War is over. My whole life I’ve striven to burn the candle at both ends. Unfortunately, my body has never agreed with my mind. My genetic makeup forces me to need sleep and a lot of it. I’ve heard of these people that can operate of very little to no sleep and have always been jealous of them. But now, I’ve come to the conclusion that unless I start using massive amounts of cocaine, I will never be one of these people. Damn it, why does an awesome drug like cocaine have to be so debilitating.
As for the game, I was able to wake up in time to catch the third period and overtime. The only thing better than TJ Oshie’s shootout performance was his postgame interview. A classy move on his part to remind people that the true heroes serve our military. We glorify athletes, as I’ve mentioned before, because they provide a distraction from our problems and the monotony of life. Soldiers tend to remind us of death, which is not pleasant. Therefore, we try not to think about the horrors that happen in war and do not give soldiers nearly enough glory. Kudos to TJ Oshie, not for his goals, but for his perspective.
This week in flag football brought our most enjoyable loss. We were playing the only other team that had yet to win a game. If we were going to get off the snide, then this was the week to do it. However, fate had other plans as it seems we are destined to finish the season win-less. It would have been devastating to discover we are, cue Chris Tragger voice, literally the worst team in the league had the team we lost to not been so nice. Not only were they nice, but a some were even famous.
The quarterback was Geoff Stults. Who? How dare you disrespect Geoff Stults, hypothetical reader. In the movie world, he’s had bit parts in Wedding Crashers and The Break-Up, so he knows Vince Vaughn. But in TV, he was on 7th Heaven for five years. The short-lived and underrated October Road. The short-lived and underrated The Finder. The short-lived and underrated Ben and Kate. Damn, this guy should be a bigger star. I’m a big fan of the guy, so it was a pleasure to get our asses kicked by his team. I can only hope that America finally comes around and falls in love with one of his TV shows, cause he always picks good ones to join.
The lead guy, Josh Hopkins, from Cougar Town was also on this team, but I do not watch that show and he barely went into the game, so he only gets this sentence of mention.
A second year in LA brought a second trip to the Northern Trust Open. Full disclosure, I’ve played golf since I was a little kid, so I do enjoy the game, but even if you’ve never played I’d recommend going to a pro tournament if given the chance. No other sport allows you to get this close to the action. You can stand mere feet from the golfers, hear their interactions with the caddies, and reactions to shots. Hell, on Sunday I nearly got nailed in the back by a Charl Scwartzel drive. I could have made history by grabbing his ball and running it all the to the green, and dropping it in the hole for the first ever hole in one on a par-4. No other sporting event allows for this kind of access. Trust me, you’ll enjoy yourself. If nothing else, there are a ton of cocktail stands.
Justice Demetrio already pointed out the stupidity of President’s Day, as a holiday. However, as a day off it is far from stupid as I’ll take any excuse to stay at home. It was a nice relaxing day that allowed me to catch up on a lot of the rest I missed from the rest of the weekend. But three day weekends are another reminder of how much my life is dominated by the pleasure I get out of the weekends. It inspires me to get to the point where I do not care if I have to go into work on Mondays cause I enjoy it as much as any weekend.