Hearsay Hobbies: Private Investigating (Tom Selleck Style)

It’s Tuesday. That means it’s the time of the week that I recommend a hobby that you will undoubtedly not follow up on. That’s not a knock on you, more so an admission that I am not taking my own hobby pursuit as seriously as I probably should. 

Today’s hearsay hobby is: private investigating.   

Gene!!!!

Gene!!!!

I had to fight the urge to write about another hobby that tied into the Olympics, as that got us a lot of hits last week. But private investigating is something I’ve always been interested in/fascinated by. I think a lot of people are fascinated by it, too, as evidenced by the amount of TV shows and movies that center around a private investigator. Hell, even Arrested Development has an awesome PI in Gene Parmesan.

As always, here’s your Wikipedia definition on what this hobby entails:

 A private investigator (often abbreviated to PI and informally called a private eye), a private detective or inquiry agent, is a person who can be hired by individuals or groups to undertake investigatory law services. Private detectives/investigators often work for attorneys in civil cases. A handful of very skilled private detectives/investigators work with defense attorneys on capital punishment and criminal defense cases. Many work for insurance companies to investigate suspicious claims. Before the advent of no-fault divorce, many private investigators were hired to search out evidence of adultery or other conduct within marriage to establish grounds for a divorce.

That’s some pretty serious stuff. A lot of the literary/film/television examples we get of private investigating aren’t as serious as “capital punishment and criminal defense cases.” When I think of a private investigator, I picture Tom Selleck in an awesome Hawaiian shirt and a perfect mustache. Not necessarily people helping gather evidence on whether someone should get the death penalty.

I think I’m going to start a Tom Selleck-ish PI club. Since we’re talking hobbies here, it makes more sense to have fun with this than get too serious. Let’s opt for cases that involve missing cats and not complex murder trails. Also, let’s wear Hawaiian shirts because they’re badass and underused in contemporary society.

What a good looking PI.

What a good looking PI.

 Since Yoda’s Garage Yoga never took off, we can use my garage for the Tom Selleck PI Club weekly meetings instead. We’ll drink Corona, compare mustaches, and watch episodes of Magnum, p.i. Additionally, we’ll take out ads in local papers to promote our services. Our specialty will be missing kegs. 

Before we go out on cases, we’ll drink a case and watch this on loop for at least ten times: 

If you’d like to join, please bring: 

  1. A mustache.
  2. A Hawaiian shirt.
  3. A six-pack of Corona.
  4. Your finest water gun (we aren’t using real guns).
  5. A magnifying glass (for effect).
  6. A pack of gum to keep your breath fresh (for all the ladies that’ll be swooning for you and your PI skills).
  7. A compass (for effect, too).
  8. Condoms. If you’re going to look like Tom Selleck, you’ll have to responsibly deal with the consequences.
  9. A notebook.
  10. Cigars.

We’ll be having our first meeting tonight, at 9pm. Hope to see you there.  

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s