On this Valentine’s Day 2014, it seems necessary to honor one of the original loves of my life, Tiffani Amber Thiessen, or TAT for short. Many men have fallen in love with TAT, she was the hottest woman of the 90s for Gods sake. And since the 90s is the greatest decade of all time, it pretty much means she is the hottest woman of all time. But my path is a little different than anyone else’s.
Most people fell in love with Kelly Kapowski, I mean if she could tame Zack Morris she had control over all men. However, I contest that anyone my age or younger never watched an original episode of Saved by the Bell when it aired. It was on TV from 1989-1993 and it wasn’t exactly targeted toward the 0-5 demographic. Since I’m the oldest child in my family I did not have the pleasure of older siblings guiding me and telling me of this perfect specimen, Kelly Kapowski. I ended up missing the initial boat on all this fuss.
Honestly, the first thing I remember seeing her in was the short lived Fox series, Fastlane. It premiered when I was in sixth grade and aired on Friday nights, since I was a dweeb, as all sixth graders are, my Friday nights were centered around this show. Tiff played Billie Chambers, the kick-ass leader of special undercover unit that went to extremes to capture the criminals of LA.
Now, this was a pecuilar time for 12 year old Tommy. His body was changing, it felt weird, and he just discovered a new thing his body could do. I’ll let your imaginations fill in the blank. Needless to say, Tiff helped ease this time of strange transition and made things much better. One particular scene from that show sticks out in my mind above others.
Yep, that’s the one. After this I was hooked, I had to find out everything that I could about this Tiffani Amber Thiessen. This is when I finally discovered the power, magnificence, and beauty that is Kelly Kapowski. I could write an entire novel on Ms. Kapowski, but since every man and woman between the ages of 20-40 already knows how amazing she is, I will not waste everybody’s time.
After burning through reruns of Saved by the Bell, I did not think it was possible to be any more in love with her, but then, around my junior year of high school, I discovered the SOAP Network and a little show called Beverly Hills 90210. Kelly Kapowski grew up and turned into a take no prisoners slut named Valerie Malone and I dug every second of it.
Elizabeth Berkley shed her innocence by taking off all her clothes in one of the worst movies of all-time. While every man will thank her for having certain video clips available online, it really lampooned her career. TAT, on the other hand, shred her innocence on a prime time soap, which will always be remembered fondly.
The aughts and teens have not been as nice to her as the greatest decade of all time. But as far as I’m concerned TAT has earned a place in the pantheon of hotness. And she may never win an academy award, but she will always have my heart, which as far as I’m concerned is a much more prestigious honor that can never be bought by Harvey Weinstein.