The Friend Debate

For Nora Ephron, men and women are just puppets on her stage of love and laughs.

For Nora Ephron, men and women are just puppets on her stage of love and laughs.

Valentine’s Day is a day away, so love is a hot topic this week. Billy asked his dating machine about good romantic comedies and it brought up a classic, When Harry Met Sally. A movie that raises a classic debate, can men and women be platonic friends? The answer to that question is, yes, but it just very, very difficult. Let me clarify, it is very difficult for a man. There are only three reasons a man would not try to have sex with one of his female friends. One, they are in a committed relationship. Two, he would prefer to be “sacked” by Michael Sam. Or three, the friend is completely unattractive. And even that last one can be cured with a few beers on a Saturday night.

Before you call me a disgusting pig, let me clue you in on the proper perspective. Men, by nature, want to have a lot of sex. We are driven to spread our seed around as much as possible, to have a diverse sexual portfolio if you will. The fact that we are able to go against this very nature and have meaningful friendships with women is a monumental feat. A feat that we do not receive nearly enough credit for accomplishing.

If a dog started performing successful open heart surgeries on humans that would be a huge national story. Everyone would be talking about this Dog M.D. There would be countless articles, novels, TV spots, and movies about this incredible animal. Men being friends with women is on par with this, at least from the perspective of overcoming biological limitations. Yet instead of being celebrated as heroes, women choose to shower dogs with treats for menial tasks. Sit? Lay down? Fetch? Do these really deserve the reward of a delicious doggie treat? Dogs are designed to do all these things. We should not reward pets for doing something that comes natural to them.

Until dogs help cut down on my medical costs, they will not be getting any treats from me.

Until dogs help cut down on my medical costs, they will not be getting any treats from me.

Women being friends with men is easily accomplished for them. See they see men as someone they can potentially be in a relationship, even just a physical one, with or not. Once their mind is made up that is it. There is no crossover. Either you fall into the friend camp or the sexual one. Men just have one large camp and any woman in it could fill many roles. Friend, confidant, sexual partner, or girlfriend. A man can change his mind on a whim or few shots of Fireball.

It is silly to think that men and woman can never be friends. But it is important to understand the dynamic of these friendships. Ladies, try to appreciate the fact that we see you as the stunning, beautiful, and intelligent people that you are, and at a given moment we could express this with a sexual advance. And guys, try to understand that women do not have the same mindset as we do. If they view a man as a friend, then he is a friend and we must respect that opinion, whether we’d like to change it or not.

Now then, on the eve of Valentine’s Day 2014 let us consider this debate settled, once and for all.

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