WYW – Would You Rather Wednesday

Would you rather is my favorite way to start a question. It involves hypothetical situations with two options and you have to choose which of them you’d rather do or have happen to you. The key to a good would you rather question is to make the two options as equally good or bad as possible. It is supposed to be a mind bender for the person you’re asking.

It is always disappointing when a person does not like to play this game. The thought of not enjoying it seems as ridiculous as citations do to Shia Labeuf. However, over the years, instead of getting mad at these people I’ve come to realize that not everyone can be as imaginative as me. It makes people uncomfortable to think about ridiculous situations that will never come true. Instead of getting mad, I’ve decided to put my skills to good use and starting a seminar on answering would you rather questions. Each week I’ll post a new one and take you through the answer.

Our first question:

Would you rather have sex with a goat and no one know it? Or not have sex with a goat and everyone think you did?

Daniel Bryan has contemplated this question a few times before.

Daniel Bryan has contemplated this question a few times before.

The crux of this question is what can you do better, lie to yourself or deal with people opinion’s of you. On one hand, having sex with a goat would be a discussing, vile act that will scar you for the rest of your life. It could have long lasting implications on your sex life. Would a human be able to arouse you? Would you hear baaaa every time your sexual partner had an orgasm? Would you need the other person to wear horns in order to achieve full arousal? These questions and more must be considered when answering this question.

On the other hand, there is the comfort of knowing that you did not fuck a farm animal. But the key word here is everyone, as in all people on the face of the earth. Everywhere you go, every person is looking at you and whispering to their friends about you humping in the hay with a goat. Snickering while making jokes about your sexual proclivity for goats. Saying things like, “there’s the guy who puts in the ‘eieioooooooo’ in Old McDonald’s farm.”

How do you get a job when every person who interviews you thinks you fucked a goat? Will you ever be able to find a sexual partner again? Or will you be ostracized by all human beings to the point that the only thing left to have sex with is a goat, thus fulfilling all the comments people made about you?

It is frightening to think about both situations, which brings us back to our crux. A person of strong conviction might be able to handle every person in the world thinking they fucked a goat. And easily moving passed all the jokes and comments to the point that people get bored. Then as time passes and the boredom full sets in, everyone just ends up dropping it and the person is able to move on with their lives without ever having to fuck a goat.

Personally, I do not have this type of conviction. I would not be able to handle everyone thinking I did something that I didn’t. It would just lead to jumping around in place screaming and crying, “I didn’t have sex with a goat! Please believe me! Please believe me! Please!!!” (insert lake of tears) This is of course the easiest way to get people to not believe you at all. Therefore, I’d be known as a goat fucker for the rest of my life.

However, two things I am good at are lying to myself and keeping secrets. Yes, it would be the most disgusting event of my life. Cue someone saying, “I’ve seen you sleep with worse.” Self deprecation is the best defense. But I would be able to convince myself it never happened or that it was a really fucked up dream. It would go with me to my grave. Maybe it would be my last words. Just to get in a final confession. I’m confident that I’ll be able to do this much more than handling the everyone thinking I had sex with a goat when I certainly did not.

Every would you rather comes down to a simple crux that allows us to choose the path that better suits us. The more that we do together, the better we will all get.

Now it is your turn to answer.


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