Valentine’s Day Poem For Single Millennials

So you’re alone again on February 14 this year

Don’t worry, don’t shed a salty tear

In 2014, we have the Winter Olympics in Sochi

Where bobsledders slide down and yell yippee!

Fuck love, for it is fickle, and for older generations

Who dreamed of a perfect home, and simpler sensations

We grew up with AIM, cell phones, and Tinder

We don’t need roses and Cupid’s dumb quiver

In Her, Joaquin falls in love with a sexy, iOs voice

And us millennials, if we choose, have that choice

Except my Siri emits a stuck-up-virtual-biatch phone

And nothing like ScarJo’s soothing, sensual tone

So I guess it’s Boy Meets World reruns once again

Even though I’ve seen every episode since I was ten

I just hope Cory and Topanga don’t get all cheesy

There’s no doubt that’ll make me sad and queasy

No one has love like this.

No one has love like this.

You’re not okay, Cupid, not now, not anytime

You’re a dumb, unrealistic, chubby mime

Thanks for breaking my heart once again in 2014

I can only hope in 2015 you’ll be a little less mean

You asshole.


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