Hey guys! It’s me, Eastyn! Remember me from last week? Well I’m back, and I should be pulling up a fresh female perspective for you every Friday! Keep an eye out. Or both if ya nasty.
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Heartache is an undeniably terrible part of the human experience. It brings forth the worst in you. Not the part of you that robs banks and murders people, but the part of you that will stoop to levels so low just to get an ounce of recognition from a person you once held close emotionally. You’ll get drunk, you’ll make some phone calls you regret. The texts you send will be the only ones auto correct doesn’t dismember, so you’ll be held at full responsibility for your heartbroken rant.
I had spent the better part of 2013 in a steady decline in what was previously a really wonderful relationship. When that final bit of stitching in our relationship came undone, and I was sick of trying to haphazardly push it all back together, I came to a realization that really helped me to visualize what exactly I was going through.
I’m going to break it down into parts that really kept me on track emotionally, and to not rush into filling that relationship void with an emotional rebound.
Part I: Fade Into You
When you initially meet a person, let’s assume you start holding hands. As you grow closer, and reach those milestones (moving in, first pregnancy scare, etc.) your hands, wrists, and arms slowly start to meld together until the two of you are sharing one arm. It’s great! You have that added strength that the other person lends to you, and you can collaborate through the difficult times together.
Part II: Severance
Sometimes, unfortunately, things go south. For whatever reason, mutual or not, there needs to be a separation, and to do so, that shared arm needs to go. You can’t just give it to one person or the other, you have to shear it off at the shoulder, leaving both of you free to wander away, but missing an arm. Caution: Listening to Adele’s “Some One Like You” is sooooo satisfying in that scratching a scab kind of way, but just limit it to four times a day at most.
Part III: Filling the Void
This is the part that is the most difficult, always. When all is said and done, you have this huge and previously functional part of you that is just gone. You’ll go to reach for something with that arm, and realize that you’re just flailing a shoulder nub about. You’ll try to fill that void the best you can. Sometimes it will be trying to attach your sad little nub onto other people, drugs, or objects. Anything that will just make that space a little bit less empty.
Part IV: Healing
One day, maybe not as soon as you thought, you will notice that you’re gaining some arm back. Your nub is starting to increase to your shoulder. It’s growing back on its own. How neat! You’re starting to be able to do things again. You didn’t need your partner to be fully functional! As you continue through time, and as you heal, your arm will start to grow little by little. You’ll see an elbow form. The days are a little bit brighter, and your desire to send drunk texts are slowly ebbing.
Part V: Welcome Back
Sooner than you think, you’ll wake up, stretch out both of your arms, and you’ll realize that your fingers are back. They might be a little weird and misshapen, but they are there. You can grab things, and most importantly, you can find another hand to hold and merge into. You’ll notice the grasp is stronger and genuine, and you’re not just trying to push your nub arm into another person in vain. You can be part of a functional relationship again.
Part VI: “But I’m Scared.”
So now your fingers can hold things. You don’t remember Whatstheirname, and you’ve maybe decided that one girl at the coffee shop is pretty nice and she always makes little foam hearts in your lattes. However, you’re very aware of what a relationship can mean, and that feeling of being left without an arm if it does indeed end and you’re forced to sever it again. Here’s the thing… It is okay. You know it grows back. It may hurt, but there’s something a little satisfying in working through it. Adele will be there for you next time too.
It’s important to remember not to try to push yourself into something before you’re done healing completely. It’s hard to hold hands with a nubby little wrist. If you know somebody you feel might be at that point, then just keep giving them time, help their arm grow back with no ulterior motives, and be the best friend you can be.
Chin up, dear readers. It will all be okay. Hugs all around.