Super Bowl Media Day

Russell Wilson

MM: What is it like being so amazing?

Who doesn't love this man? Look at that smile.

Who doesn’t love this man? Look at that smile.

RW: I can’t speak to being amazing. All I can do is wake up each morning and strive to improve myself a little every day. Life throws a lot of obstacles at us, but a person is measured by how he or she overcomes them and grows stronger.

MM: What an amazing answer, you are the perfect man. You make me believe in a god.

RW: Thanks?

MM: Madison, Mad Town. Have you found a more fun place on this planet?

RW: No, simply the best.

MM: Just like you. How many games did you have a Mickie’s scramble before?

RW: All of them. It is just too delicious. I believe it gave me an extra boost and has led to much of my success.

There's no line too long to keep me from that delicious gravy topped scramble. Hhhhmmmm

There’s no line too long to keep me from that delicious gravy topped scramble. Hhhhmmmm

MM: What’s most challenging about this week?

RW: Avoiding Bill Simmons. The guy is relentless. I’ve had to change my number a dozen times cause he won’t stop calling. There is nowhere that I feel safe taking a shower. The guy is harder to scramble away from than the Niners D.

MM: I think you’re safe today, only reporters are allowed here.

RW: Classic Simmons slam!

MM: What’s it like playing for Pete Carroll?

RW: He actually doesn’t do any coaching.

MM: Really?

RW: Yeah, his headset isn’t plugged into anything, but don’t let him know that. We let him pretend he is doing something besides some gnarly gum chewing.

MM: What about game planning? Is he involved in coming up with the gameplan at all?

RW: I don’t think he has ever watched a second of tape this season. Every time he calls me into his office I think he’s about to show me some game film, but he always just wants me to see some explicit college porn site.

MM: Dirty Petey. What’s he into?

RW: Sorority sluts, Dorm Rules, Party sex, Exploited Teens, Desperate College Girls, and so many more disgusting sites I cannot name. He’s really big on webcams, but one that he showed me it didn’t even seem like the girl knew she was on camera. He’s a really disgusting guy.

You don't know where those hands have been, people.

You don’t know where those hands have been, people.

MM: My goodness, what a difficult challenge to overcome.

RW: It’s the best way to get stronger, remember.

MM: You make me feel so safe.

RW: I get that a lot.

MM: What concerns you the most about Sunday’s game? The Broncos D, Peyton Manning, Percy Harvin lasting more than one play, or the weather?

RW: Golden Tate making it to the game. He’s been hitting the clubs pretty hard this week. But he keeps striking out and coming back with hookers. He’s a concern every week though, like Will Hunting in reverse, I pick him up every morning and just pray he hasn’t been arrested for stealing a bicycle. I don’t get his obsession with stealing bikes, I keep telling him, “You make millions of dollars, stop stealing bikes.” He never listens though.

MM: He probably never will. What are you going to do if you win on Sunday? Disney World?

RW: I leave on a month long mission to build homes in the Syrian desert next Monday. Then I head up to Israel to negotiate peace talks with Palestine.

MM: Final question, are you doing anything for dinner tonight?

RW: Don’t go all Simmons on me.

MM: Right, right. Stupid, stupid.

RW: Don’t beat yourself up, it happens to the best of us.

I'd worship at the altar of Wilson.

I’d worship at the altar of Wilson.

MM: You think I’m the best?

RW: No, but you’re also not the worst.

MM: I’ll take it. Thanks and good luck on Sunday.

RW: Thanks, but I’ve got special support on Sundays.

MM: I knew you were the son of God!

RW: From my teammates. I’m leaving before this gets any weirder.


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