America is the greatest country in the world. And I’m not just saying that cause Bill O’Reilly paid me to, because he didn’t. If you’re willing Bill, I’d happily turn this site into a forum for your rhetoric. Everyone has a price.
The problem with being the greatest is that it is easy to get bored and complacent. In order to stay on top we must evolve and conquer. We at Millennial Man have some suggestions for world views and philosophies to adopt for us to remain King of the World!
European (You’re-a-peeing) Eating
Normally when us Americans think of Europe our thoughts involve hairy armpits, sex clubs, and the place we used to bail out before our own banking system. However, Europe isn’t all bad and actually has some philosophies worth adopting.
A typical American day of eating involves:
- No breakfast what-so-ever (besides 40 oz. of coffee, of course)
- Scrounging around the office kitchen like a sewer rat at 11 am
- Eating a sandwich, maybe soup on a special day, during our lunch break
- Attacking the empty office kitchen around 3pm and settling for 40 more oz of coffee
- Coming home, starving, and stopping at a fast food restaurant (for us single folks) or devouring a home cooked meal so there is none left for anyone else (married folks)
Why do we deprive ourselves of food all day only to eat our largest meal mere hours before we go to bed, leaving us no time to burn it off and giving us mounds of energy right before we try to sleep? It is devoid of logic.
Europeans have a different philosophy: three or four small meals, tapas to all the pretentious douches, bookending a gigantic feast in the middle of the day. It kick starts the metabolism in the morning, giving them more energy throughout the day.
A gigantic meal in the middle of the day gives them more time to burn it off, adds an energy boost to the afternoon, and allows them to sleep peacefully at night. I know what you’re thinking, “But they sleep peacefully due to lack of stress since no one works. Classic Europe slam!
Instead of following the typical American meal plan try incorporating something more like this:
- Wake up a little earlier and make yourself a nice light breakfast. Bowl of fruit or a couple eggs.
- Before leaving for work make yourself a nice healthy smoothie using your Nutri Bullet. What? You don’t have the greatest gift to mankind since Ryan Gosling’s birth? What the hell is the matter with you! Add fruit, veggies, and kale, always kale, then watch that bullet go to work.
- Instead of scouring the office kitchen at 11am, just drink that healthy smoothie and keep that metabolism going baby.
- The biggest change is your lunch break. It’s time to eat baby eat. Devour as much food as humanly possible. If your bosses complain tell them to go fuck themselves, you’re saving America.
- A giant lunch will get you through the afternoon and well into the evening. Before you go to bed have a yogurt with some fruit and nuts or something a little sweeter. Treat yourself, you deserve it.
You’re welcome America!