**This post was written by a very smart woman named Eastyn Cazin. Email Eastyn at (email@example.com) with any comments. No dick pics, please.**
Good evening, gentlemen. I am glad that you have taken the time out of your busy schedules to have this conversation with me. Over the years it has become increasingly obvious that dating can become infinitely less awkward by not actually communicating face to face. While this is a blessing for some people who err on the side of crippling shyness, it can also be a trove of hidden temptation and poor manners. Here are a few tips to remember:
1. It’s perfectly okay to ask somebody out via text, Facebook, email, what have you.
If you’re somewhere in your early to late 20s, chances are that you and your partner of choice have been chatting through text. Sometime you think to yourself, “Man, I’d really like to ask her/him out!” What I see happen next is usually a, “Well, I should do that in person.”
I’d say that is entirely situational. If the conversation flows into you texting “u wan sum drink w/me?” There is absolutely no shame in that, just follow the same rules you would in person, be polite and accept whatever answer graciously.
2. If somebody asks you out via text, Facebook, email, what have you; answer promptly and honestly.
Sometimes when somebody asks you out, and you’re not 100% sure if that is something you would like to do, let that person know. You don’t need to get into your feelings or into detail, but maybe a quick, “Let me think about it and check my schedule. I will get back to you soon” could very well suffice.
If you know for sure you’re not interested, then say that as well. “You know, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you very much for your offer, though.”
It’s hard to send, and it’s a little embarrassing, but being prompt and honest in your answers are key.
3. Never, ever, send somebody an unsolicited picture of your junk.
I don’t care if you’re drunk. I don’t care if it looks especially great that day. I don’t care if you purchased it a hat. I don’t care if you’re “pretty sure she’s into me because she sent that winky face one time.” If they did not ask for it, then chances are, they are not interested in surprise phone dick.
If you’re a guy and you’re surprised that this actually happens, good for you for this not crossing your mind.
4. When to use emoticons.
A strange phenomenon has happened, and it is that of the idea that sending a cartoon smiley face to somebody holds
a certain amount of sexual tension. I’ve been on the receiving end of some really confusing winky faces in my time, and let me tell you it is a difficult thing to feel out.
Use them wisely, be aware of the weight of the heart emoticon, and if you’re absolutely sure that the situation calls for one but you worry that it might be taken the wrong way… Lay that sarcasm on thick so the joke is known.
So, my fine, feathered friends, send me as many emails as you please with any questions regarding this. I am by no means and expert per say, but I guess you can say I think I am one. A toast to you, and may you never look down your pants and think, “Somebody else should see this right now.”