Thirsty Thursdays: The Justin Bieber

Pull up a seat at the bar. I’m bartending. There’s no better place to be every Thursday than right here at The Millennial Man. Every week on this day, the thirstiest of weekdays, I will teach you how to make a brand new drink to try out when you get home from work.

A couple of things to note before we continue:

  1. I have no formal bartending training.  
  2. Mixology means nothing to me. 
  3. I tend to stick to the bottom shelf.

Phew! Glad that’s out in the open. Let’s begin.

Look at this jackass.

Look at this jackass.

This week’s drink is THE JUSTIN BIEBER. If you think that I’m teaching you how to make this specific drink because Bieber is trending all over social media and I want to capitalize on his name as a keyword and bring more hits to our blog, you are 100% correct.

Let’s see what I got behind the bar here. Hmm. It’s pretty empty, kind of like Biebs’ songs. I guess that shouldn’t be a problem then.

I found some vermouth. Let’s start out with that. So, half a cup – no, that’s too much – uh let’s say one shot of vermouth. Wait what the hell is vermouth? Vermouth, for anyone that is an idiot and doesn’t know what it is, is “an aromatized fortified wine flavored with various botanicals. It is said to be the most versatile of all cocktail ingredients.” While there’s nothing versatile about Bieber besides how many cars he can drive drunk in, we’re limited on symbolic alcohol choices here.

Vermouth makes the ladies go crazy.

Vermouth makes the ladies go crazy.

We need something to compliment the vermouth. According to Google, cherries do the trick. And since cherries are one of the main components of Shirley Temples – a drink that Bieber should be ordering – I find that ironic and fitting.

I keep seeing something about bitters in my Google search. Not really sure why everyone is so mad, but let’s put a dash of bitters in, too. Oh god, I don’t know what bitters is either. In case any of you slow people don’t know what bitters is, Wikipedia defines it as “an alcoholic preparation flavored with botanical matter such that the end result is characterized by a bitter or bittersweet flavor.”

This drink is getting crowded. So far, we’ve got a dash of bitters, two cherries, and a shot of vermouth. Hmm. This smells absolutely awful…

There’s only one way to fix it: fill the rest of the cup with Jameson.

And there you have it, The Justin Bieber, ladies and gentlemen.

To recap:

  • One shot of vermouth
  • Two cherries
  • A dash of bitters
  • Fill the rest of the cup with Jameson

Let me take a sip and… oh my god. It’s awful. But so is Bieber, his music, and everything he stands for, so I’m counting this drink as a success.

If you make it for anyone, charge him or her $2,500. Happy Thirsty Thursday!

This post was written by Billy Kirland, co-founder of The Millennial Man. 

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