Master Debating Myself – Monogamy

I love to argue. L-O-V-E it! Arguments reveal what we truly care about because if we’re not willing to argue, then it does not matter to us very much. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my love of competitive banter, but rather finds my penchant for inciting arguments to be quite the nuisance. Despite my lack of fully understanding why a person would ever dislike arguing, in my attempt to grow I will respect every person’s own views.

However, since my desire to verbally dispute courses through my veins stronger than bullshit in Lance Armstrong’s, I need to find an outlet for my argumentative nature. But where, how, who? Then the answer dawned on me, there is only one person who can spar with me in the arena of rhetoric, me.

I must debate myself, and since I’m a self-professed master of gab, I’ll be master debating myself. For clarity sake I’ll call one me, Gus, and the other Marcus Antonio San Keota, or MASK for short. Since I love arguing so much, it will not be hard to debate both sides of an issue. I’ll leave the verdict up to you.

My first topic of debate: monogamy.

If we put an end to this guy terrorizing our movie screens, then we can put an end to monogamy.

If we put an end to this guy terrorizing our movie screens, then we can put an end to monogamy.

Gus: Ladies and gentleman, love sucks. There, I said it and it felt good, right even. Why do we put up with something that causes so much heartache and pain? Why are we constantly trying to make relationships with one person work? The most dangerous answer to any question is “that’s the way we’ve always done it.” It is an answer that shows a lack of thought or understanding.

We should never be shackled to a practice just because people who inhabited this world before us decided it was best. After all there is a long history of practices from the past being vile and disgusting. Remember when Rob Schneider was a movie star? Monogamy is not as despicable as many of the horrific practices throughout history, but it does cause plenty of destruction. Half of all marriages end in divorce, an astounding number especially when you consider how many relationships do not even make it to marriage. Monogamy is a crazy practice equitable to banging one’s head against a wall. If airplanes crashed on 50% of flights, would everyone still fly? I certainly hope not, it just does not make sense to participate in a practice that has the same probability of success as betting on black in roulette.

MASK: I feel bad for my opponent that he has given up so easily on love. It is rare to find a 24-year old cynic, so I appreciate the sighting. Does love suck? You better believe it. It is an excruciating form of consensual torture. But we do not put ourselves through it simply because our ancestors did it, we do it because the greatest highs in life are always paired with equally low lows. Monogamy is difficult because it takes a full commitment, something that is dangerous because it leaves us vulnerable to a lot of pain. A pain I, like my opponent, has experienced many times before.

Our relationship failures make it easy to question, why we put ourselves through the torture and look at all the stats of relationship failures, then give up on monogamy. Is it perfect? Absolutely not, but the common argument of its detractors, would we get on a plane if it crashed 50% of the time, is neither fair nor applicable.Relationships are unpredictable. It requires meshing two people’s rawest emotions together. It takes a leap of faith, to dive in head first and commit fully. This commitment is a huge risk and failure is inherit in risk. It does not mean we should give up on it all together, but rather accept that anything that is worthwhile comes attached with the risk of failure.

Gus: The reason monogamy is so difficult is not because of the challenge of meshing together emotions, but rather because it makes no logical sense. Despite what Hollywood and Hallmark sell us, there is not “the one” sitting at some coffee shop just waiting to bump into us. There is no way for one person can fill all our wants and desires. Relationships sizzle out because over time we start to realize that things are missing and a desire for more grows.

We turn the blame onto our partners, when really it is no one’s fault. There are relationships that come close to being right, but fall apart due to minute details. There are people we cannot keep our hands off of, but when it comes to spending time or trying to build a life together the compatibility falls apart. A person may be absolutely perfect for you, but you share vastly different ideologies, religious, political, or social and that drives a wedge into the relationship until it eventually breaks.

We end up being so picky because we only have one shot at making a relationship stick and it causes us to miss out or say goodbye to people who can bring happiness into our lives. If we didn’t have to be with one person, if we could have multiple partners, these relationships wouldn’t have to end and the combination of them all  would make us happier people.

Let's leave polygamy back in the 1st millennium AD, where it belongs.

Let’s leave polygamy back in the 1st millennium AD, where it belongs.

MASK: You’ll have to excuse my narcissistic opponent for his outrageous views on relationships. I agree that “the one” is a myth, there are plenty of people out there that are right for us, but a complete relationship is only shared with one other person. Multiple partners fulfilling all our needs only works for Emperors and on SkinemaxYou animals. It treats people as vessels built to serve and not human beings with their own wants and desires. It takes a lot of sacrifice and work to have a successful relationship. Polygamy is a cop out, an easy way to avoid put any effort into a relationship.

The real work must start with our self. We cannot fully love another person until we figure out who we are and what we want, which requires diving into the deep end. Polygamy allows us to stay on the surface and feed all our shallow wants and desires. Full commitment is scary, it leaves us vulnerable. No one likes to be vulnerable because it requires revealing all our flaws, something we put a lot of effort into hiding, especially from ourselves. A polygamous relationship is another form of lying, it is a way to have a relationship with only the parts of people that we like and allows us to avoid our own flaws. A fully committed, monogamous relationship means taking the good with the bad and working together with another person to improve ourselves.

Gus: I’d rather be a narcissist, then a rancid sentimentalist. Humans are so proud of getting out of the food chain and are so supercilious about where we stand in the hierarchy of life that we forget that we too are animals. Anyone who has read Matt Ridley’s The Red Queen knows that there are biological needs to sex and relationships, biological needs that are vastly different and antagonistic between males and females.

Yeah. This guy looks like he is having a miserable time.

Yeah. This guy looks like he is having a miserable time.

A male with his unlimited supply of sperm has the need to spread his seed as much as possible, while the female, with limited eggs, has a need to protect them and find a stable, protective environment in which to raise them. This is not to say that all of sex is biological, there is a pleasure that comes from sex, necessary to encourage it to happen since it creates life. A female still enjoys sex and what she looks for in a sexual partner is not what she looks for in a life partner, which is why once the eggs are protected it is more likely that she will step out and look for more sexual partners.

If you want us to stop lying to ourselves to cover up our flaws, then it should start with the fact that full commitment to one person is something that is just not in our nature. We shouldn’t be ashamed of it or try to hide it by convincing ourselves that love is the cure to all our problems, but rather accept and incorporate it into our lives.

I just want a more open society where we are all just honest about what is so often kept secret. Between divorce and affairs it is obvious to me that monogamy just does not work. There will be some who find the practice of polygamy too tawdry and discussing and others who are happy with one person, but as a whole we could benefit from becoming a polygamous society. It is not something that has to be enforced, unlike our current laws on monogamy, but rather a freedom of choice.

And I rest my case.

Bill Nye would be appalled to hear what Gus is trying to pass off as science.

Bill Nye would be appalled to hear what Gus is trying to pass off as science.

Me: My opponent’s ego is bigger than I thought if he is trying to pass off that Penthouse forum crap as science. Men have a biological need to spread their seed? What a crock of shit. It is a clear attempt to find an excuse for his own shortcomings in relationships and as a human being in general. Humans do not need to fuck everything we see, this obsession with sex is a result of our culture glorifying it to the point that we are all disappointed with the amount we’re having.

Life and especially relationships are more than just sex. This world where we are all just free to roam around and have sex with anything that moves is a fantasy and an ill-conceived one at that. Is sex important, absolutely, but it too gets better when it is done with a person we care about at it’s best when with someone we love. The male curiosity to stick a penis into anything that moves often leads to disappointment, especially of this variety.

My opponent might want us all to be free to be with whomever we like, but then there is no one on whom we can depend. Monogamy is tough and down-right torturous at times, however, that does not mean we simply just give up on it. Loving someone, sharing a life together, being true partners brings a higher pleasure that nothing can match.  And that is worth every ounce of pain it takes to reach it.

And I rest my case.

This Post was Written By Tom Demetrio, Co-Founder of Millennial Man



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