Every day of the week has its own unique personality. Wednesday is hump day. Thursday is almost the weekend and the biggest excuse of a day to drink the week has ever seen. Friday is a beautiful beacon of hope and freedom. Saturday is that beacon’s really hot, intelligent, and cool girlfriend or boyfriend – depending on what you’re into – that you fall in love with weekly. Sunday is hangover-sleep-all-day-football-drunk-brunch-pass-out-to-TV-shows day. Monday is a son of bitch.
Tuesday is… Wait. What the hell is Tuesday?
Tuesday is the friend in the group who kind of just stands there. He doesn’t really say much, do anything, ruffle any feathers, or come up with any original ideas. But for some reason he keeps showing up. Tuesday just exists.
Is there a problem with simply existing?
Everyone has a friend in his group who is just kind of there in the physical sense – and not so much the spiritual one. Tuesday is kind of just a freeloader, a moocher extraordinaire. However, Tuesday doesn’t really mooch much besides oxygen.
So, Tuesday’s not even good at mooching.
Perhaps Tuesday is just misunderstood, an underrated outcast. Maybe Tuesday is a rebel without a cause, someone who doesn’t give a mother f what you think about him. Could Tuesday in fact be the James Dean of days?
That might be a stretch.
New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Trophy Wife (check it out before it’s cancelled) all air on Tuesdays. So perhaps Tuesday is the week’s comedian. The only comedy keeping the once-mighty Thursday night relevant – in this writer’s opinion – is Parks and Recreation. Could Tuesday be the funny friend?
I’m not buying that either. Poor Tuesday.
Tuesday should be happy it’s not Monday. I mean, Monday is just a flat-out asshole. Wednesday’s not that great, either. What’s so great about being a hump in the middle of the week? Thursday is a raging alcoholic. Friday is a popular kid who becomes less popular as he gets older. Saturday – well everyone can’t be perfect, but Saturday normally is. Sunday is hungover. Who wants to be hungover?
But at least they all have an identity. Unlike Tuesday.
Give Tuesday a break, okay? Maybe Tuesday is just trying to figure out what hell he wants to be. He shouldn’t be forced to be like everyone else in the week. So what if he’s an open book? That’s kind of a good thing anyway. He can be a lot of things all at once. Tuesday’s kind of like the ever expanding and molding operating system (Her) that Joaquin Phoenix should have been nominated for an Academy Award for talking to for a whole movie. Get off Tuesday’s back already. Not everyone knows what he wants to be so early in the week. Tuesday will figure it out one day, maybe just not on Tuesday!
Oh shit. I’m Tuesday.
This post was written by Billy Kirland, co-founder of The Millennial Man.